This Heart

There was a time when love had filled this heart.  Filled it to the brim.  Those days have long since passed.  Life itself has diminished into a mere spectacle of what once was, what it can never truly be again.  Whole, wholesome, happy.  The darkness lingers like a thick mist that clouds your vision, making it hard to see what is right in front of you.  Enveloping your every breath, creating a shortage in your lungs.  The lackluster look on your face tells your story well, yet you say nothing at all.   Everything I had worked for, hoped for, wanted was so easily lost in a matter of moments.  Gone for good, gone possibly forever.

Heart Is But A Puzzle

This heart is but a puzzle,
put together piece by piece.
A mind staking game of strategy
thought provoking to say the least.

But you play this game well
you know where every piece doth lie.
Built me up like a house of cards
fast forward reaching for the sky.

This game I know in and out
yet I lose it every time.
You dismantle the frame you built,
leaving only a memory of it behind.

I was just your pawn,
a simple piece upon your board.
Pre determined loser, be I,
a game manipulated from the start.

I Smile In Thought

As I sit and I ponder on past reveries,

Dreams I once had that never came true.

Places I wanted to go, and things I yearned to do.

Held in this place, like a boat anchored at sea.


An ocean of wonder I had, knock knocking at my door.

But chances had slipped through the grip in my hands,

Fell to the shore and washed away with the sand.

A venture in life I’ll never get to explore.


But not all missed chances are unfortunate,

Sometimes that’s when simple pleasures prevail.

Tiny grip of a new baby’s hand, and your hearts been derailed.

Your new adventure has begun, one without a template.


A precious little one for you to love and to help grow.

Teacher, mother, confidant, and friend.

Not needed through only tomorrow, but until the very end.

This death of a dream had been foreknown.


So as I sit and ponder on my past reverie,

I smile in thought that any adventure I could take.

Not a boat, or plane, nor new pathway I could make,

Could ever bring as much joy and happiness as the life of a new mommy.



My path has been pre-determined,
there’s no way to turn back time.
I walk alone, I always have.
I may have had companionship along the way,
but ultimately it is I who have to walk this path.
To walk until the light dies out.
‘Til this road comes to the edge of the earth.
And walk this long and winding road I will.
Climbing over every downed branch,
and standing back up after every stumble.
Shaking off the dirt as I have in the past.
When the pain is too much to handle,
and my legs grow weak and weary,
I will break inside, yet I’ll keep moving.
I know that when I lose track of my way,
it’ll lead me back to this.
Back to where I belong, to resume this desolate road.
And when I reach the end,
when the edge of the earth is upon me,
I will have made it.
And peace will be upon me, and I will fall.
Fall into myself.
Into my destined ending.


I bury myself under this earth in hopes to drown out the wind.
For it cries out to me every time you come across my mind.
The storm that’s approaching is seemingly bigger than the last.
May this one bring a thunder that crashes so loudly my ears ring,
so I can no longer hear your voice.
And lightning that hits me so fiercely that I’m blinded to the sight of you.
Wiping every memory of your face from my mind.
Raindrops that will impersonate my tears, allowing my eyes to finally dry.
Let my sorrows wash away in the rivers they’ve created.
Washing away the memory as I am unearthed once more.
The warming sun rises alongside me, rebirthing me, without any remembrance of you.

Follow You

I’d follow you to the ends of earth if I could,
just to tell you how I feel.
Never in this life, before you, have I ever felt this way.
My breath you’ve stolen from within my lungs,
ripped out my heart that I hid beneath this flesh.
Not living nor dead, just wasting away.
From everything, something, to nothing once more.
You left me here alone.
To wander forever, not knowing, never finding this again.
Walking in circles around the mess you left behind.
My mess… Me.
A tortuous road, with no end in sight.
You once were the light that guided my way,
lifted my heart, gave me life.
Now that light has burnt out and I’m stuck.
In this dark, in this cold.
A lonely little girl, with no one to hold.
Anticipation of surviving has diminished.
Surrender is all I’ve got left.
With my heart you stole my soul,
and with the waving of this flag I give the rest of me.
No longer longing for the end of this agonizing path I’ve been lost on.
The end is near… finally here.

Blue Skies

Blue skies and fresh air,

light breeze brushed upon my face

sunshine warms me on the inside

and the memory of you

surfaces again

to see the light of day.

Once buried down deep

hiding in the darkness,

shows its colors once more

taking from me this serenity,

drowning out the sky

with its clouds of gray.

The sun has run away

from the encroaching storm

your touch too cold, even for it

freezing me in a moment

to replay this horror story

of a dying heart.

Home is Where The Heart Is

I am in the process of turning this into a song, but I;d love feedback on how it sounds so far.  It’d be much appreciated.


Home is where the heart is,

that’s what everybody says

I guess that explains why this house is empty

there is nothing left inside

one moment you were here,

the next you walked away

this placed caved in behind you

leaving nothing but smoke for me to clear

Giving up and letting go was all you knew to do

holding on to a moment, even though its gone,

I can’t let go of you

this place is my dismal dwelling

and forever I’ll remain

but my heart died out as I watched you walk away

so if home is where the heart is

then home is anywhere but here

lost in an oblivion

where you let me drown in the ashes

in the remains you left for me

crumbled over all my weaknesses,

until all that’s left of me is a pile of lifeless flesh

no beat nor a rhythm

hiding under this foundation built of sand

washed away slowly tear by tear

No longer does this heart have a home

no place to call its own

empty remnants of memories

and there’s only you to blame

dying, naked and lonely on this dirt floor

If only a heart was where this home was

in place of a homestead turned to dust

gone forever, nothing left in store

just a lonesome ruin

because you don’t live here anymore.

This is a short story I wrote

Genevieve was an awkward sort of girl, the kind that many walked past without even noticing that she existed.  Never bothering to glance her way, and taking the chance to meet someone unique.  But she did exist, and whether those that passed her by noticed her or not, she knew who she was.  She was friendly, and full of love. Wearing her heart on her sleeves was common for her, because she saw how the notion of love was hard to find, and she wanted to make sure she didn’t lose it like others she knew had.  Genevieve was creative, and loved to see the world through a kaleidoscope.  Watching as things shifted, and the colors blended to make new ones.  She looked at the world and saw greatness and that made her happy.

But when she tried to sleep at night, her mind would race.  Thoughts of that fateful day would fill her head.  She pictured the fluffy white clouds, and the fresh cut grass.  An ice cold glass of lemonade, squeezed fresh by her mother that very morning, dripping condensation over her hands.  She sees the daisies that she helped her mother plant, daisies were her favorite flower, and her mother knew that.  Fresh tomato sandwiches set out on the picnic table in the backyard.  Her mother was the best, she loved her so much.  They were like best friends.  Such a wonderful day she had had.  She could never ask for a better one and she knew it.

The day began to dwindle down, and a cool night breeze had started to blow, when all of a sudden it happened.  Something unforeseen, something so absolutely weird that she had to take a picture, to prove to herself that this was real.  An object had fallen from out of the darkened clouds and landed in the front yard.  She ran down the stairs and out her front door to get a better look at what exactly had happened.  The object was odd, she couldn’t figure out what it was, possibly some sort of rock.  She circled the object that had created a small hole underneath it, and noticed something even weirder than the rock itself.

There was a red liquid slowly seeping out from under it.  How very odd she thought, whatever could that be?  Just then her father ran out and yelled to Genny, which was his nickname for her.  She was so mesmerized by the rock that she didn’t hear him calling.  He grabbed her shoulder and asked if she had seen her mother.  Genny hadn’t seen her since earlier, and told her father so.  She pointed to the red stain in the lawn and asked her father what it could be.  He had noticed something more, he saw golden strands of what appeared to be hair, flowing out from under the rock as well.  Instantly, without a second thought her father attempted to move the rock.  Unsuccessfully he asked for help, not telling Genny what he thought he saw.

As a team they were able to move the rock, and she was flabbergasted.  Her father caught her as she fell to the lawn.   She finally saw what she had failed to notice at first glance.  The rock had covered her mother like a blanket.  The weight of it had pressed the life right out of her, similar to what she did earlier with the lemons.  Gone, her mother was gone.  How could she be dead after just that afternoon she had been so alive?  Her best friend was just lying there lifeless in the front yard.  What was Genny to do?  How will she go on?  Just as those thoughts crossed her mind, everything went dark.

She awoke startled and unsure what was going on.  Convinced she had had a terrible nightmare, she screamed for her mother.  “Mom, mom, where are you, I need you” she hollered.  She waited, no response.  As she called out again “Mom, I love you, I need you”.  Still nothing, so she frantically climbed out of bed and ran downstairs.  Leaving the front door open as she proceeded to the front lawn where a group of emergency personnel had gathered around the hole.  “Oh no, it wasn’t a dream, it was real, my mother is really dead” she cried to herself.  She ran over to the rock, to make sure she wasn’t mistaken.

When Genevieve reached the rock, she gasped and took a step back.  Nobody seemed to notice she was standing there.  She cried out in confusion but nobody heard her.  The crowd started to open up as the EMT’s were bringing in a body bag.  And as the crowd parted she saw her mother, very much alive.  How could this be, what was happening?  As the EMT’s were zipping up the bag, she crept closer and peered into it, and saw her reflection.  She knew it wasn’t her reflection, it was her, it was never her mother that was under that rock.  It was her, everything is slowly coming back to her.

She recalled her mother asked her to run out and check the mailbox.  She had been waiting for a letter from uncle Bill.  She remembered stopping before she made it to the mailbox and staring up into the oncoming storm clouds.  That’s when she saw it, the object, the rock, her fate.  It was her that had been under that rock, her golden locks and her blood flowing out from under it.  What was she to do, she never got to say goodbye to her mother?  She was always looking on the bright side, who would have imagined something so atrocious could happen to her?  Genevieve was an awkward sort of girl, the kind that many walk past and never even noticed she exists, only it was because she didn’t anymore.  She used to have dreams, now she lives trapped inside her own nightmare.

Baby Blues

I know that look you give me,

I know your smile is fake

When will you stop giving

how much more will she take

my friend please understand me

I tell you this with love

You’re too good for her

you don’t need her



I look into those baby blues

and I melt on the inside

because I have a secret

and you don’t know

all these feelings that I hide



I can feel the pain you put off

and the tears you shed alone

I want so much to love you

when you are finally ready

you’ll be the first to know

but don’t worry until then i’ll be waiting

I know some day you’ll wake up

realizing how happy you could be



I look into those baby blues

and I melt on the inside

because I have a secret

and you don’t know

all these feelings that I hide



One day you will notice

one day you will finally see

all this time you’ve been searching

you were looked right past me

I could be your everything

I could be the one

I’ve been here this whole time

since your searching had begun



When I look into your baby blues

and you smile back at me

I want to tell you everything

all these feelings that I hide


I’ll wait until I can finally say…

I knew one day you’d notice

it was me this whole damn time

took you long enough to realize

I wanted to make you mine

I’ve got everything she didn’t

anything you’ll ever need

so baby take a chance

I promise to give you what you need



When I look into those baby blues,

and you stare back at mine

you know all my secrets

all the love I no longer need to hide

everything you ever wanted

was right here the whole time