Behind These Eyes

Look beyond my hazel eyes

and tell me what you see?

Do you see me?

I mean really see me.

See who I am inside and out.

See who I have become,

not what I have become.

If you see me in a different light,

than the one that I emit,

you may be on to something.

But if all you see is the dull yellow

that I’ve been slowly dimming for years

than you need to keep looking.

Look deeper,

look beyond the darkness,

behind the shadow that surrounds me.

Look into the soul that is hiding,

she’s there,

hiding,

waiting,

longing for someone to find her.

To save her,

to see her.

Will you give it another shot?

Will you look deeper under the surface?

Will you check behind every door?

Search even in that scary cobweb ridden basement.

Hopefully you find her,

and when you do you will understand.

There is more than what is perceived

upon my surface,

and when you finally see that,

will you then and only then see me.

Who Will? rough draft

This is just a rough draft… I know it needs work, any criticism is appreciated.  There is a vision i my head for this, but it’s not coming out very well on paper.  So I may end up rewriting it several times to get my point across.  So bare with me please…

 

When that sun that brightens your every day

comes crashing to the ground

and sets your world aflame,

who will be there to help you

through the smoke and the debris?

Who can help you find your way?

 

 

When that fire on your surface

seeps in as deep as it can get

and melts your very world,

who will throw in the life vest

to pull you from your molten flow?

Who can save you from that place?

 

When your heart reverts to nothing

and rebuilds its fortress out of ice

frozen ponds surround it like a mote,

who will build a bridge

to try and save you from yourself?

Who will melt that ice, like an early spring?

 

I will be there when you lose step,

and when your focus is unclear.

 

I will lift you off the rocks,

when you have fallen to the ground.

 

I’ll hold you, when you pull away

from those you once held dear.

 

I will cushion your crashing world,

and stop your fiery rivers flow.

 

I will be your eyes when they are blinded,

from the smoke that you have caused.

 

No matter what damage you have created,

my love for you is here, never to be lost.

Listen Up

I will tell you this and you’ll listen.

Because I am sick of being nice.

I am sick of playing this game fair,

as if it’s winnable at the roll of a dice.

Im sick of trying to keep my hands clean

while yours are always digging in the mud.

So go ahead and cry yourself a river,

I am readily preparing for your flood.

You made your bed, now lie in it.

After all,

lying is what you do the best.

Whispers in the Shadow

Whispers in the shadows,

while I’m walking through the dark

Clutching my fists in offense

as my fears hang on my heart.

 

Behind every single corner,

there lurks an evil to be had.

An innocence forgotten,

as blood slips through my hands.

 

A life I once lived full of regrets,

always wanting my grass greener.

Lost in my own fear of faith,

deadened of my old demeanor.

 

You appeared from out of nowhere,

with a grin so full of malice.

I submit myself to your misery,

in your fiery desolate palace.

Inner Battle

I’m in the middle of a confrontation,

between Me, Myself and I.

I can’t decide who or what I am,

at least not what I have become.

It’s a constant battle within me,

I want to feel again as one.

My thoughts pull me in one direction,

while my heart just drags me down.

I hate being caught in this confliction,

fighting what I feel, with what I know.

Until I have a lone winner,

as a person I cannot grow.

I need to know what is inside me,

whether it is fake or it is real.

Because my head tells me to think,

while my heart tells me to feel.

Which is wrong for me to trust,

more importantly, which is right?

I am desperate to survive this struggle,

for I can no longer fight.

Toxic

Though I know that you are toxic,

I would die for one last kiss.

Infection running through my blood,

poisonous love upon your lips.

 

If you could hold me in your fiery arms,

my heart would melt within your clutch.

I know your love is rotten to the core,

and I would wilt at your very touch.

 

What is the point to living,

if your love wasn’t worth the pain?

And why must I bleed repeatedly,

if you were never mine to gain?

 

To die while held within your arms,

shall never be my fate.

For you have turned my love for you,

into a searing hate.

Comatose

The dawn cannot break
if I remain in this dream.
I’ll hold the night hostage,
till you’re back with me.

In this reverie of sorts,
where you’re still by my side.
My heart on my sleeve,
no longer needing to hide.

Holding you close,
all the night, in this dream.
While you are the glue
keeping me tight at the seams.

I fear if I wake,
by my side you’ll be not.
So this dream I keep on,
because it is all that I’ve got.

This lie that I tell,
it is an absolute must.
For if I let these tears fall,
my heart may become dust.

If I ever wake
from this dark fantasy,
and look to my side
without you next to me…

I could not go on,
and my story would end.
My slumber keeps me safe,
awakened I can no longer pretend.

In this comatose state
I beg to remain.
When my eyes are still closed,
I will have you again.

And the storm will pass….

It is hard to feel alive when everything around you is dead or dying.

And some times it’s hard to find inspiration when the world seems to be caving in around you.

Maybe I am not looking hard enough, seeking far enough, seeing what is right before my eyes.

I will look harder this time, look beyond a dying moment.

Out of death, life emerges.

When I feel like the storm has me weathered, and the clouds come rolling through.

I’ll wait for the clouds to pass, and look up to the heavens.

And there is where I see you and your smile peeking through.

Dedicated to my mother, who despite her flaws, was a wonderful woman whom I wish I had had more time with. She will always be missed.

Tag You’re It

I was tagged by  Arjun and was asked to answer the following questions.  I usually hate these things, but I figured I would climb out of my comfort zone and do it.  It was fun 🙂  I don’t have very many followers, so I can’t tag all 11 like I am supposed to.  Tags will be below.

RULES:
1. You must post the rules.
2. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged.
3. Tag eleven people and link to them on your post.
4. Let them know you’ve tagged them!

. 1) Describe yourself in one word.
. Creative

. 2) Favourite childhood memory
. Easter egg hunting at my grandmother’s house, I looked forward to it every year.
.
. 3) Best accomplishment/moment of triumph.
. Getting my first apartment all on my own, without depending on anyone else.
.
. 4) Ur current job and what u wanted to be while growing up
. I am a stay at home mom, but I always wanted to be an engineer, I like taking things apart and fixing them.
.
. 5) Something that you are good at skill wise
. Grammar and spelling. 🙂
.
. 6) Name one self invented superstition
. I have to hold my breath while I shower, I drown when I was little and ever since will not breath if water is touching my head.
.
. 7) A real life story that you would definitely tell ur kids someday.
. I have told my kids the story of how their father and I met, and how much we were in love when we got married and had them. They love to look at the wedding pictures almost as if they remember the day, even though they were not here yet.
.
. 8) Name one regret that u have.
. That I didn’t spend more time with my mother before she passed away at an early age. 😦
.
. 9) If you had to change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
. I would change the fact that I dwell on the past too much, sometimes the past does more damage than we should allow it to.
.
. 10) Something that scares you?
. Heights, and roller coasters make me cry like a baby
.
11) An experience that changed your life.
Having my first child, I grew up really fast that day, but I think it helped me learn to love everything just a little bit more than I used to.

1)    Corey

2)   Jamie

3)   Maggie Mae

4)   Tiger

Obviously this is optional, and none of you have to answer any of these, but it would be a good way to get to know some of my fellow bloggers better.  🙂  Hope to hear your answers. 

1) What is your favorite color?

2) What song has the most meaning to you?

3) If you could choose to be any kind of animal what would you be?

4) What is one place in the world that you haven’t been to, but would love to go?

5) What is your favorite food?

6) Do you have a favorite movie?

7) What is your biggest fear?

8) What kind of car do you drive?

9) Do you have a favorite alcoholic beverage, if so what is it?

10) Have you ever made snow angels?

11) Is there a scent that when you smell it, it brings back good memories for you?  mine is falling leaves, I love the smell of autumn leaves 🙂

Scattered

My memories on fire
While you whisper in the wind
Lost inside this snowy cloud
With blood upon my lips
Dust on the horizon
Burning out my eyes
Heart made of molten ice
Touch of broken glass
Dealt the losing hand
Hatred looms on my fingertips
Lingering pain forevermore
Internal adorations lost
Unintentional heartache
Lovers die, when darkness rises
Remnants scattered across the sky