I still remember…

the time when I was little and I tried to wash my kitty in a big blue barrel, unfortunately, I was not big enough to get him back out of it.  😦

the time that April and I decided that we wanted kool-aid in the middle of the night, so we made every single packet in the house.  We made a terrible mess of the kitchen.  You were pissed when you came home from work.

the time that george and I were playing with matches and caught the wooded area next to our house on fire.  In all fairness, we tried to put it out.

all the bad times we have had, but I forgive you.

how you were the one to help me get my permit.

how I felt that you weren’t there when I got married, even though I knew it was my fault.  I really wanted you to be there.  :*(

how when I went into labor with Aydan and I couldn’t get ahold of you how scared I was.  I am so glad that you made it in time, and were there for me.  I really needed you.

how mad you were that the nurses weren’t helping me with the pain, but how happy you were when you got to hold Aydan for the first time.  And how annoyed you were when Adam caught you on video.

when you left us again shortly after Aydan was born, I worried everyday that I’d never see you again.  I missed you so much back then.

the day that you came home to me clean and sober.  I have never been more proud of anybody in my life.  You proved to me that you wanted to fix things.  You came home and had three beautiful grandchildren waiting for you.

how when we lived together, your ocd took complete control over the house.  Everything had to be perfect, and it was.  And how adam liked to moves things around just to see your reaction.  that the only thing you watched on tv was your bible channel.  But it made you happy, so I guess I’ll forgive you for that.  😛

when we got into the huge fight over Shayna and things were messy between us for awhile.  I am really sorry for that.  I overreacted.  And I am sorry.

when grandpa died I was more worried about how you were feeling.  He was your life, your everything.  It hurt me so much to see how badly you were hurting.  I wish there was something that I could have done for you.  But I can’t raise the dead.  Unfortunately.

the way that you took care of beanie so well.  She loved being with you more than she did with me.  I’m so glad that you were able to do that for her.  She truly loved you and misses you so much.  You wouldn’t believe how messed up I am right now, but she’s the one comforting me.  You’d be so proud of her.  She’s such a big girl.

how much you loved me, I never thought that you didn’t.  I always knew how much you missed us when you were away.

that I made sure to tell you that I loved you so much, and I wanted you to be happy again.  I guess it just wasn’t in the cards.  You did what you did, and I truly hope that things are better for you.  I like to believe that you are with grandpa and your life can start over.  I wish you were here with me…  I hate that you’re not here with me.  I hate that we can’t have our early morning talks, I hate that I can’t call when I feel sad, I hate that I have to feel the same thing that you had to feel when grandpa died.  I hate that in years beanie will only remember what I tell her about you.  I miss you so much.  I hope your in a good place where you don’t have to hurt or feel lonely anymore. I love you…  I will always remember you…  I hope you always remember me too…


2 thoughts on “I still remember…

    1. Well thank you for reading it, I wrote it for my mom after she passed 4 years ago, and I’ve kept it close for all this time. I thought it was time to let it out. 🙂
      peace to you as well


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