Unwritten

They say everything happens for a reason, for that I am not so sure.  I have tried to reason with it, to find truth in it, to have faith in it, but I fail to do so.  I miss those days when ignorance was bliss, and it was a lot of the time.  I miss the wondering, the hoping, the longing.  I miss the gentle hand that wiped my tears away.  Most of all I miss you.  I have forced myself to believe that you are my poison, that one touch could be fatal.  Not everything is as it seems.  I pushed when I wanted to pull, and I let go when all I ever wanted was to hold you tighter.  And try as I might your still with me, inside me.  My heart won’t let go, fully let go at least.  I am slowly learning to live with the pain, it is my cross to bear I suppose. I know you will never read this, and that is my safety net.  I always let myself go when you’re around, too much so.  I lose myself within you.  When you left me, I never left you.  I lived and died in that moment.  Someday may we cross paths, smile and nod, maybe a simple hello will pass our lips, but that is all that was written in the stars for us.  We will never have a constellation, we won’t have forever, for we had never.  And never is never enough.

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