They say everything happens for a reason, for that I am not so sure. I have tried to reason with it, to find truth in it, to have faith in it, but I fail to do so. I miss those days when ignorance was bliss, and it was a lot of the time. I miss the wondering, the hoping, the longing. I miss the gentle hand that wiped my tears away. Most of all I miss you. I have forced myself to believe that you are my poison, that one touch could be fatal. Not everything is as it seems. I pushed when I wanted to pull, and I let go when all I ever wanted was to hold you tighter. And try as I might your still with me, inside me. My heart won’t let go, fully let go at least. I am slowly learning to live with the pain, it is my cross to bear I suppose. I know you will never read this, and that is my safety net. I always let myself go when you’re around, too much so. I lose myself within you. When you left me, I never left you. I lived and died in that moment. Someday may we cross paths, smile and nod, maybe a simple hello will pass our lips, but that is all that was written in the stars for us. We will never have a constellation, we won’t have forever, for we had never. And never is never enough.