Little Reminders

Yesterday I cut my hair, yes I know big deal.  Well I just used a razor comb and didn’t have any kind of plan set out, I just kind of went with the flow.  Looks pretty decent btw.  Well today I woke up all disheveled and went to brush my hair, glanced in the mirror and was blown away at how my hair looked.  As untidy as it was, the thing that hit me the most was how much it looked just like the haircut my mother had for practically all of my life.  Of course memories of her hit me like a rock to the face.  I miss her, she left too soon.  My mother was only 44 when her depression got to be too much for her to cope with.  She took her own life the day after christmas back in 2008.  She has been gone for many years now, but I think she’s still here with me.  She wasn’t the perfect mother and that’s ok, because I am not either.  I loved her regardless.  Depression can be a really difficult thing to overcome for some people, I have had my own battles with it.  I am happy to say that I have come out on the winning side, unfortunately not everyone does.  As angry as we may be that a loved one makes the decision to take their own life, we need to realize that they have their reasons.  I know and understand why my mother is gone.  We all deal with something painful in our lives.  Coping with some pain can be a bitch, and really takes a toll on a person, which is what happened with my mother.  I hope she is in a better place, wherever that may be, with people that she has loved and lost.  I know that her pain and suffering is over, and that is enough of an answer for me as to why she did it.  She loved me from the minute I was born, and I will love her until my last breath has been expelled, maybe longer, I don’t know.  All I know is she has missed out on so much, and maybe someday, somehow, I will be able to fill her in on it all.

 

My mother the day my oldest son was born.
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11 thoughts on “Little Reminders

  1. What can I say to you? Nothing actually. This is one hurdle that platitudes from other people won’t help, even if they’ve gone through it themselves. I pray right now that if you should ever reach that point of despair, that you will wait one more minute and reach out to someone – anyone. Because there is no well so dark or so deep that a life line can’t be dropped down it. May the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, be with you. (Philippians 4:7)

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  2. this was very nice and very true. My fiance lost her childhood sweetheart to suicide, and it has affected what she does every day. You have a nice blog, I think I will look around, please feel free to do the same on mine.

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