The Move

I often sit and ponder on how my life would be

if I didn’t move, if I lived my life for me

But I can’t afford to think like that

I’ve got little ones to think of first

As many wrong decisions I have made

leaving everything behind is the one that hurts

Would it have been so selfish to think of only me 

before I thought of the children

After all moving was never my option

it was predetermined and I wasn’t consulted

Tossed in my lap, and told I was wrong if I didn’t go

Told I was no kind of mother if I decided no

So here I am, left everything of mine back home

gone for only god knows how long, no one else knows

This much unhappiness and misery can’t be good for me

I know it’s not healthy either for my kids to see

And try as I might to fight it, it always seems to win

so in turn I try to hide it, until it pops back up again

I hate where my life is, and I hate having no one around

I hate the feeling that knowing how bad this hurts me

none of my friends seek me, so I will never be found

Lost inside this little corner I hide within my head

afraid if I don’t decompress 

and climb out of this hole I have dug

that I will hide in here until I am dead

Destined to be someone other than myself for how long?

I have no idea about anything anymore

I did what I was told was right

I came here so far from home, 

without so much as a fight

Maybe that was my problem

maybe I should never have allowed you to go

I should have stayed and fought, I may have lost the fight

but I may have kept my sanity

I may never have dug deeper inside my wretched skull

hiding all these feelings of hate and disgust

But I guess I may never know…

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