I am lost here without a light

in the darkness of this night

growing ill of all the wandering

but I won’t give up without a fight


Although my heart is surely stressing

from the constant inner pressing

sick to death of all my pondering

and my need for second guessing


Simple comforts I have no need for

this winding walk has made my feet sore

to reach an end is all I’m longing

struggling within my inner core


No shoes to walk down roads in

this gravel has worn my soles thin

the pain I am just prolonging

slowly wearing out my own skin


This chance that I am taking

seems to have been in the making

of a game I am forever losing

while my faith in this is breaking


Lost the endless losing battle

all of the useless prattle

this game was of your choosing

but my spirit you can’t rattle


So I’ll walk alone within this dark

on a journey only I can embark

rubbing sticks between my hands

until a subtle flame does spark


Only then will I again be found

after all the traversed ground

in the blackness of these lands

I will no longer be bound

My Worst Enemy

My worst enemy

latent memories

every single reverie

I’ve had of you


All those times you lied

I merely cried

and ran to hide

from the simple truth


But blood runs deep

and without sleep

I’ll always keep

these thoughts of you


I am here

and I am open

I fear

but I’m hoping

That this

will be worth it

Because damn

I deserve it

I have run

endless circles

Not for fun

I’ve jumped hurdles

But shit

I’ve lost battles

Been up creeks

with no paddles

Lost sight

of true visions

Caused fights

and collisions

But I know now

where my hate dies

And it’s with you

that my heart lies

Burn My Eyes Out

I burn my tormented eyes out

there’s nothing left I’d like to see

all these tragic love songs

all this empty agony

this pain that I’ve been handed

slowly and surely within me grows

I can no longer keep it hidden

it bleeds me out

every time I cry

it vaguely starts to show

light this gateway of mine on fire

and let the ashes singe my cheek

I no longer wish to exist here

in this selfish reality

where a lie is no more a lie

than it is the truth

my flames die out inside me

for I’ve grown too weak


I am just a fucking puppet

tied with this old string

around my neck I’m hanging

to play this devilish game

you stand there and gather

throwing stones at this withered face

awakened by the madness

and the blood stinging my eyes

just your entertainment

or maybe false prophecies

but here I’ve been hung

to die alone in suffering

no fears dripping off my tongue

although there’s much I’d like to say

I will remain silent

I wouldn’t want to ruin your fun

because I am just a fucking puppet

and my life hangs on your string

Digging Graves

I’ve been looking through blind eyes

trying to see what isn’t there

reaching out into the blackness

with these tired arms

trying to grab onto something solid

something real out of seemingly thin air

but there is nothing here

my bloody lips attempt to whisper

sweet nothings into the dark

but with no one there to hear them

there seems to be no point

I long for the light

in a world were I am surrounded by so much pain

healing is not an option

so this is where I fear I’ll stay

drowning in this darkness

filling up these heavy lungs

rotting on the inside

like poison on my tongue

dry eyes fill my memories

not a word left for me to say

digging my grave deeper

to hide beneath this dirt

to suffer until my heart stops

and these veins have bled themselves dry

no hope left to hold on to

I am much better off this way


I am simply looking for disaster
behind every smile I see
in every single corner
hiding in the dark
waiting for me to stumble
hoping that I will fall
to break into my loneliness
to live this lie you see
ducking under madness
buried deep within me

I am just another catastrophe
a perfect little wrecking ball
crashing through this skin
like a shattered frame
to cut open healing wounds
blood red scent on the hardwood
footprints leading me back
behind make shift walls
soaking up the tear drop
as it hits after it falls

I am committing another mistake
all while remaining innocent
neglectful of my future
breaking pieces off of myself
to syphon life into my dreams
to get caught up in this mess
drifting into scenes of grey
skies crash into my hand
burning my eyes from my face
as my ashes expand

I am exiting this holocaust
with all my lives intact
underneath this state of shock
running from the dark
lighting fire to the dirt
creating havoc wear I stand
decadent demeanor worn above my head
lighted, slighted, never looking back
disappearing from all of this
sinking deep into the black


Would you trade forever

at the promise of one last kiss

if it meant that you could never

look back and reminisce

Would you take that wrong turn

in hopes that it would turn out right

even if your heart does burn

it could be a guiding light

Would you attempt another chance

if those are the only cards you’re dealt

just one more gruesome charade

a reminder of how forever once felt

– LacieJay –


my heart is hesitant

to move on to something new

it’s hard to trust the unknown

seemingly too good to be true

I’ve examined every angle

and memorized your words by heart

reading into every line you wrote me

never believing them from the start

maybe I’m being hasty

releasing negativity galore

or maybe I’m just used to being used

and nothing more

I’d like to believe in something

and I’d like him to show me how

but nothing seems to ring true in my heart

seems stinking fishy to me right now

hopefully I am just crazy

everything I think is wrong is really right

please prove to me you’re different

let this heavy heart and teary eye

once again believe in the fight

– LacieJay –

Love Lingers

Love lingers
On the tip of your tongue
The stench of it washing off slowly
Almost making it unbearable
To open your eyes

Love lingers
In your heart
In the holes in which it has burrowed
Life seeping out behind it
Oozing out of every orifice

Love lingers
On these hands that once held him
Under blue waters
Forgetting his touch
And reliving his kiss

And love lingers
In my guilt
It lingers in my blood
Stinging my heart with every pass by
Killing me slowly

And soon after,
will this love too, die

- LacieJay -