Sometimes… Rant

I am so close to giving up, like it was never worth it to begin with.  Like it was just a waste of time.  As another moment passes and another question surfaces, I lower my head in thought.  Thinking whether I should keep going, or just let it go.  Trying hurts, but so does letting go.  I guess I have to figure out which will hurt less.  I hate the not knowing, the wondering, the chase, the end.  I hate losing, and since I am a perpetual loser you’d think I’d have been out of the game a long long time ago.  But no, because I am also a masochist.  It’s a wonderful feeling, the rush, the pain, in a sick, sad, depressing kinda way.  It draws me in.  Sinks its teeth deep into my skin, and becomes one with my flesh.  So, you see, I am in a bind.  In a circular torture chamber, I keep spinning from one evil to the next.  I try to hang on, I try to let go, and can successfully do neither.  So I am stuck in limbo between the two.  Running in place.  Grasping for something else, something more.  Holding out for the one who can see behind the mask, behind the obvious fakeness that I portray.  The one, who without words, can tell that I am in need, and fulfill it.  The one who is willing to walk into the blackness to seek me out.  Grabbing me in the dark, fulfilling that need that I have, that only he can see.  I am still waiting, holding on.  Forever waiting…  Find me…

Advertisements

3 responses to “Sometimes… Rant

    • Well that is a very admirable response, but I think I’m getting closer to giving up everyday. Although in all honesty giving up in this sense, pertaining to a useless relationship may actually be good for me.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s