The last time

This is the last tear that falls for you
The last one to pass this lid
The last time I fall for this
Without a net to catch me in
This is the last lie that will ever hurt me
The last one to flow over your lips
The last time I believe your words
Without the taste of poison in your kiss
This is the last word I will have spoken
The last one directed to you
The last time my heart will be broken
While you’re off loving somebody new

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Stuck

I’m sick of crying over words unsaid
I dwell on their deeper meaning
I’m tired of trying to keep this out of my head
I’m suffering from what you’re not seeing
It pains me to live while not feeling alive
This tortuous hole I’m stuck in
But to dig myself out I’ll not even try
I’ve grown used to my tattered old skin

Playing God

I wish that I could erase time

I wouldn’t slow it down

nor reverse it

or even speed it up

just pick and choose

what to keep

and what to throw away

I wish that I could play God

with my own memories

I would doctor them up

so every recollection

was without you in it

no more constant reminders

of our broken past

I wish to clear this dirt away

from my rose colored glasses

to look past the lies

before my eyes

to tune out the words you speak

to forget that feel

of your arms around me

I wish to have more chances

with someone else

to remember things I loved

people I’ve missed

to look back at

everything I’ve missed out on

that seems so out of reach

I wish I didn’t have to wish

that you had been truthful

that you were true

I wish things had been perfect

that forever was in my grasp

I wish that you had seen

before the ending had come so fast

Tears That Fall

These tears of mine that fall, they don’t fall in vain,
but in unholy anguish.

At the simple mention of your name.

My love.

That whisper in the wind,
it reminds me of your breath.

The breath that used to caress my neck, as I slept.

As you secretly thought of another. Someone more to hold,
just another lover.

My love.

Oblivious to your wants and wishes, I was sideswiped by your conditions, in this nightmare I was having.

A karma ridden dream, punishment of the unforeseen.

As you kept pretending,
I caught a hint of a broken bridge elsewhere you were mending.

Where does that leave me,
after all these bones I have broken, and after all of my bending?

Fighting a war that was sure to be lost.

Blood, tears, and flesh, drowned in my dream of you,

My love.

So you snuck away while I slept,
a slight tear you wept for me,
leaving me stuck in this abhorrent reverie.

In my sleep I felt the warm drift off,
as the winter slowly slipped in between the sheets.

In this dream of you, I loved,
even after you left.

Your heart wasn’t in it as mine was.

Alone lost in that nightmare, tortured soul, broken fortitude.

Sorrow saddened that heart as it wept, come back.

My love.
Once my forever love.

Now just your defiled love.

Stay Hidden

Up again go these walls,
engulfing what I hold dearest.
Hiding in the darkest,
deepest corner,
in hopes it’ll never be found.
I’ve grown comfortable in myself,
not with myself,
but in myself.
Hidden.
Hiding.
Buried deep under my layers.
Safe again.
Silence can’t come soon enough.
I’m done searching.
Finished waiting in line,
waiting my turn.
Stowing away everything I’m afraid to lose.

Everything I know you’d take, given the chance.

No more chances.

No more hoping,
longing for something.
For anything at all.
Contentions laid to rest.
In this blanket of flesh,
I build my walls up of stone.
A non penetrable force,
to guard my heart,
my life, my love, my everything…
My nothing at all.

Cliff

I am just dragging myself over a cliff
Hurling myself onto a bunch of jagged rocks
Fiercely tearing me apart limb by limb as I fall
Piece by fucking piece
Slowly draining every last drop of blood from this lifeless hunk of flesh I call home
Staining these rocks with what once was my life force
No longer bleeding
My hearts no longer beating
My loneliness no longer needing
A hopeless kind of lover like you
Torn into bits by your metaphorical hands
Your ice riddled bitter heart left me frost bitten
Cold
Dead
Lonely
Left alone in this world
Meak and broken
Silenced, unspoken
Hidden in the shadows of the sun
So I climbed the highest mountain
Threw my pennies in the fountain
And wished myself finally rid of you
I crawled to the edge
Said your name in a prayer
As I dragged myself over a cliff