I have been doing a lot of thinking about this new year. I am starting to see how different I have become from years before. I have let go of people in my life in this past year that I was holding onto for my own insecure reasons, and I have been trying like hell to move on. I am slowly but surely getting past them, but it is still hard. I am finding that I do not really have any friends, and as pathetic as that seems, it is all my doing. I am the type of person who would do anything for a friend, too much for someone really. I rarely see the bad in people, and I always give them multiple chances, which really is only some type of proof to me that I have friends. But who wants or needs those types of friends? Not me anymore. I think my biggest problem, in fact I know it is, is my anxiety issues, it doesn’t allow me to socialize like normal people, I have the hardest time making friends. It literally makes me sick to have to talk to someone I do not know. That makes for a really awkward time. I made a major move to Florida from New York in 2011 and haven’t been able to make friends here due to this issue. So those that I have managed to make in the past I tend to hold onto dearly, even though they aren’t really friends. I have noticed my depression slowly getting better since breaking off communication with certain people, and even though it is extremely bittersweet and I want to reach out to them, I don’t. I miss them, or at least the concept of them. I miss the motivated, happy, cheerful me, but I guess that will come back in time. Or at least I hope it does. Because while I may not feel half as depressed as I did months ago, I am still lonely as hell in this little world I have created for myself. I am going to try to work on my anxiety issues, and my phobia of people and make friends, actual friends this time. That is my goal for this year. I am going to be 29 on january 4th and I will have no one to celebrate with, and I am really getting sick of that. So I guess I have a lot more thinking to do, and a lot of hard work ahead of me, but I think I can do it. I appreciate you sitting through my whole crazy little rant, and if you have any experience with anxiety and can give me some pointers on getting rid of it I would be super appreciative.