Fears

I am afraid to lose those that I love
So I stopped feeling love
I am afraid of getting to close
So I keep my distance
I fear death
So I never really live
I fear the unknown
So I never believe
I hate living this lie
So I sugar coat my own truth
I hate my truth
So I keep living my fucking lie
I am afraid of my own fears
So I close my eyes and hide

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Tug of war

I have grown tired of playing
This backwards game of tug of war
Somehow no matter who pulls the hardest
No matter who pulls the least
I always land flat on my ass
Wiping dirt from my knees
I can never keep them clean
This constant game that we play
I push
You pull
It’s all in good fun
You are my trigger
I am your gun
I pull
You run
My hand is a loser
You seem to have won

Let’s get this shit over with

I’m the perfect little pin cushion
I’m a self loathing fucking masochist
I play a dangerous game
Of cat and mouse
With my finger on the trigger
Barrel pressed against my head
I do it for the rush
For the feeling that Makes me feel alive
I do it to get my blood running
So I can again step back in line
Every person is lost
But I’ve yet to find my way
I stand still with your needles in my hands
What’s one more?
I do it for the pain
It gives me reason to survive
I feel closer to death while I’m still alive
So for you I’ll be the perfect little pin cushion
You can worry not
I’ll accept your pain with pleasure
Because this pain is all I’ve got

In my veins

I hate that the one I truly love 

cannot be around

I hate that this touch is toxic

and to that poison I am bound

I hate that this love has gone sour

like milk left out of the fridge

I hate how your love compels me

to leap blinded over a bridge

I hate how all this time has disappeared

and yet this love still shows

I hate how this love still exists

but mostly that every day it still grows

Paper Thin

My walls are paper thin 

even though I am made of glass

All these things I hold within

can still knock me on my ass

 

There are no words to help me cope

with all the horrors I have seen

Even if I’m filled with hope

this slate will not wipe clean

 

Some memories stand still

even as the days roll by

Some continue to make me ill

No need to ask me why

 

These thoughts that fill my mind

will remain until I let them go

No longer pretending to be blind

So here, I let my feelings show