into the night

As I sit here wondering, pondering
All alone my mind is wandering
Thinking thoughts of regret and sorrow
Knowing that my shitty today
Will turn into a shittier tomorrow
Holding tight under my cloak of black
Hoping hell has a tunnel back
But I fear I’m stuck inside these fiery tombs
Drowning my lungs in the burning fumes
Losing faith in men unseen
Even death couldn’t make me clean
Thoughts lost in dark, I’m losing light
Seems my world is engulfed by night
Hatred brews in this mind of mine
And I lose touch from time to time
I let it slither under my skin
It eats me up from outside in
I wish my fears would somehow fade
So I could forget the mistakes I’ve made
But this hell within has its grip so tight
That not even hope could make this right
I think this is it,
I may have lost the fight
All that’s left is to drift off into the night

Map

I have looked
And I have tried to find
All that there is to see
But searching places
On a map not found
Are proving difficult for me
I can seek
But never find
Things that are not meant to be
So try as I might
Without hope on hand
To break this door without a key
Only breaking faith
Like the breaking waves
Of a vaste and dirty sea
Lost beneath the sand
In the sea unseen
Just a lonely remnant of what once was me

My Lessons

Everyday I live, I learn
Be the lesson big or small
But take them in I will
I will try to understand them all
Life has taught me things
That can’t be learned in any book
Things that before I stopped to listen
Usually I would overlook
Not appreciating the haves
When the have nots kept piling in
Always throwing down my cards
Before I even had a chance to win
Always taking the bad news
Before I’d hear the good
I wish I had stopped to listen sooner
If only I knew I could
Never knowing where I was headed
Kept me fearful, in my place
But life has begun to move me
From my normal darkened space
And show me things
That at one time I didn’t know
Now that I finally get it
I can finally grow
I can leave the past behind me
In a trail of rustled dust
And never look back at that that used to haunt me
Now focusing on tomorrow is a must

A dream within a dream

I am awake in this dream

once just a dream within a dream

now I can see

what before I couldn’t

I’ve seen but can’t un see

the things that have been hidden

hiding behind my eyes

they disguise themselves

no they hide in a disguise

 

to wake within a dream

unable to be what is to be

I have finally seen

what has always been meant

for me to see

I’ve felt the hand of hell

and it presses hot upon my skin

let me in he says,

let me in, now let me in

 

no longer dreaming while I sleep

for I awoke

from within this slumber

I was but a dreamer

and in that dream

I was but a number

Just the one who holds the truth

in that dream made up of lies

and I realize

my sleeping has grown weary

and my eyes have grown teary

but no longer do I fear

this dreamer behind these eyes