Holding My Breath

He’s holding my breath
So I am not able to breathe
I’m grasping at straws
Because there’s no air to be seen

He’s holding me down
Trapped in my own skin
My lungs are collapsing
As I’m drowning within

He’s holding me still
Not letting me move
He holds me with words
Like he has something to prove

He’s holding me back
From where I’d hoped life would be
And I’m suffering here
Knowing this life’s not for me

 

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Little Reminders

Every day I come across memories., little reminders of her. Everything lately reminds me.. Simple things like songs on the radio, and her ceramic angels that line my walls. Even her shirt that hangs in my closet, the one she wore on frannie’s first easter. I don’t have much left of my mother. I don’t have any pictures of her and I together. I don’t have very many actual memories of her. Most of them I’m not even sure are real memories, but I like to think that they are. I recall a lot of bad times growing up and very few good ones. My mom was hardly perfect, far from it actually, but I loved her regardless. Whether I followed in her footsteps or I paved my own path, I don’t know, but I am also far from perfect. But lately the sun has been peeking out from behind the clouds, and I like to think she’s watching over me. I am not religious and I do not believe in God, but I do find comfort in the sun. The other day the sun shone down on me and every thought, good and bad, had come back to me. She is still with me, I carry her close, as close as I can. I love her and I miss her. But I am thankful for these little reminders. I will never have to worry about forgetting her face, or her voice, or how much she means to me.

Broken Wounds

I let shit fester
And I dwell on things that hurt my heart
Like a broken wound
That I tear open and let bleed
Over and over again
I can wipe the blood away
But the cut remains
Still aching, slowly infecting me
So I break myself down
Like an unwanted box
I’m empty on the inside and out
Tear me apart
Made up of reused pieces
Damaged lungs and a broken heart
Even though it still hurts
I will rip off the scab
To re-open the wounds
Because that’s all that I know
So I will let shit fester
And I will dwell on things that hurt my heart