I reach for things I’m unsure I’m deserving of
And that’s when I stumble and fall
I long for a connection with someone
Possibly any one at all
I feel like I am drifting off into the distance
Losing touch with the things that anchor me to shore
Losing faith in those around me
Knowing I need something more

Reality

This sadness covers me like a thick fog

I can feel it sticking to my skin

Enshrined by my inner darkness set free

Whispering secrets in my own ear

As I’m the only one who’s listening

A tragedy written in blood

Bleeding through the fabric laid over my eyes

As my tears fall steadily

Washing away remnants of happy thoughts

It pulls me in deeper

Every time I try to push away

Back and forth my thoughts go

Like a game of tug of war with myself

I’ve let myself walk into the madness

Heavy in my heart

Light on my feet

Engulfed in my own chaos

Like a dark cloud wrapped around me

Injecting my fears onto people

Distancing myself from their warmth

Slipping back into this somber reality

Dead Inside

Scalding water washing over me

With bare breasts and flushed skin

Hoping for pain unbearable

Needing to feel something real

Trying so hard to wash away my sadness

But I just can’t scrub hard enough

Can’t clean myself deep enough

The rot has buried it’s roots inside me

Growing slowly, thriving on my anger

Corrupting every last bit of me

Leaving dread in corners long neglected

Like an infection that spreads without care

Not repulsed by hatred and burnt flesh

It hungers for more, so I push it deeper

I cry out louder, someone hear me

But my screams are silenced

By walls I built around my lungs

Strangled by my tortured hands

Fighting back against myself

In this losing battle of dark and light

I stand here quietly as death lingers on my tongue