Like the only tree left standing after a wildfire has swept through the forest, I stand alone.
My broken limbs and charred branches extend, despite the fire that consumes me.
The flames run through me, rushing like blood away from this beating heart.
Ashes line the forest floor, leaving nothing but trails of hurt behind me.
This fire has stolen the oxygen straight out of my lungs and ripped the words from my throat.
Lifeless and broken, I continue to stand tall.
I dig my roots deeper into the dirt, holding on for dear life .
These words drag me under
While my thoughts help hold me down
Finger steadfast on the trigger
Staring down the barrel of my gun
I’m holding myself hostage
Chained to my memories
I can’t outrun these bullets
When hate is all I see
Peel back my eyes
Show me the things I’m too blind to see
I’m stuck inside this hell that lives inside of me
This darkness that surrounds me
It revels in my pain
Cut out my tongue
Speak the words I could never say
Stitch my lips together to keep songs from spilling out
The secrets that they hold
Hold me captive
Tear out my heart
Writhing at your touch
Let the blood pump through your fingers
Feel it beat inside your hands
Breathe life back into me
I creak like rotted floor boards in a hundred year old house. And these splinters have buried themselves deep within my flesh pushing further with every single step. My bones cracking beneath the weight of this demon that has hitched a ride on my back.
Casting shadows so far in front of me that I have to look back to see the light. I break like stained glass cathedral windows in the hands of the unfaithful. Shattered, scattered in my hands and in my heart. My blood the color of rust from years of stagnant tears overflow. Drowning in dust and cobwebs built up over time. Losing all my memories, like a picture in a broken frame. I crackle with ruby embers popping in the night. Turning to ash after all of my walls go up in flames. Just remnants of a foundation hollowed out by hate.
There’s this ache
Deep beneath my flesh
That whispers sweet memories into my head
And pain into my heart
And this thought that consumes me
An everlasting reminder of sorrow
Devouring me from within
There’s this poison
That flows freely in my veins
Spreading it’s hatred and disease
Into every bit of my lungs
And this voice that calls out
A weathered cry for acceptance
Trying to find forgiveness in itself
Darker than my shadow
Quieter than my whisper
I’m built up on lies and pain and hurt. Sometimes I just want to cry out, but there’s never anyone there to hear me. This life I live is not my own. It owns me and I owe it everything. These are the thoughts I’m chained to, these are the truths that sustain me.
Standing there, hot water beating hard against my chest. Everything is quiet, I’ve tuned everything else out. Im trapped inside myself, trapped inside my head. Wondering how hot it’d have to be for me to just melt and be washed away with the suds. Wondering if anyone would even notice I was gone.
I’m not so sure it matters anymore.