Dreamer

Last night I dreamt of you
                  and the night before that too
The dream was like a stolen memory
one we never got to have
Like life in an alternate reality
                  where everything had changed
the only constant was you and me
maybe it was a glimpse into what could have been
a future that never was to be

Just a Simple Soundtrack

I haven’t done a Just a Simple Soundtrack post in 4 years. My gosh, what is wrong with me? I’m going to start doing them again. These posts are both fun and soothing for me, and you just may get to hear some music that is new to you. Sounds like a win-win to me.

Anyways, lately I’ve been lost. Just kinda drifting through life without any rhyme or reason. I’ve been distant from everyone who doesn’t reside with me. My family moved to Tennessee a year ago and while I love it out here in the country, it gets very lonely. I’ve always struggled with depression and being alone most of the day really makes it worse. My anxiety has become almost unbearable at times. The anxiety feeds on my depression, which in turn feeds my anxiety even more. I’m stuck on a vicious circle inside this tiny bubble of mine. It really sucks and sometimes I just want to wash away down my shower drain. I’ve secluded myself from friends and family. Sometimes all I need is for someone to save me from myself.

 

This song is Drown and it’s by a band called Bring Me The Horizon.  I can relate to a lot of their lyrics, but this one hits me the hardest lately. Enjoy.

 

War

You can rip me open
And put me down
Tear out my heart
Push me around

Hit me with your words
Knock me to the ground
Hold me under water
Hope to watch me drown

But you won’t ever beat me
As long as I’m at war with myself

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Wandering

Sometimes I find myself wandering
Lost somewhere between my memories of now and then
Getting stuck in the nether of false remembrance
Falling back in and out of love again with the thoughts of you
Of us
I drift off course at the sounds of whispers
I swear they sound just like you
I can’t let them let me stray any further from the truth
Shake it off and turn back before I’m in too deep
Before I’m swallowed whole in the abyss
Even after safety has found me
I find myself wandering
Back to those thoughts of you

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Lifeless

I stand here lifeless as the water beats down fast and hard on my skin
Getting hotter and hotter as it turns my flesh from peach to red
The steam rises fogging up the glass, blurring my vision
The pain isn’t enough to clear my thoughts of inadequacy
It isn’t enough to redeem me for the things I’ve said or done to myself
I’ve gone numb to these feelings of hurt and hate
It seems that no amount of fire or fury can get through to me
I’ve grown cold and hardened to it all
But I still stand here lifeless with the tiniest of hopes of chipping away at the ice built up around my heart

Weathered

I gladly walk alone under a shroud of grey skies
Not shying away from the oncoming storm
I dance in step when the thunder rolls
Tuned in to the beat of the rain hitting the ground
I keep walking forward in this darkened world
As every flash of lightning lights my way
I may take comfort in the cold
But there’s no denying the fire that burns inside
Strengthening my every step
Despite these broken bones I walk on
These winds try hard to sweep me off my feet
But I journey on in spite of them
Pushing through this cloud of darkness
Knowing that after every storm that’s weathered I’ll get to again see the rainbow

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