Sometimes I wonder what’s in it for me? Life I mean. All my life I have lived to make everyone else happy, always putting myself last, keeping my feelings to myself, swallowing words that I had to say. I have tried to take every truth with a grain of salt, but the problem with that is that people don’t know what the truth is anymore and it gets to be too much to swallow.
As much as I try, I fail to connect with others on a level that allows honesty, and a true depth of understanding. People don’t seem to “get me”. I’m not all that complicated. I am and will continue to be a one of a kind person, who has true emotions on a level that many will never comprehend and a heart that doesn’t see the bullshit that my eyes do. I am outspoken, whether I like it or not. I love with every ounce of my heart even when it’s bleeding through and through. If someone needs a shoulder to cry on, I offer mine without hesitation. But I’m wondering if people even deserve that kind of person nowadays.
This heart has been damaged, although there’s still room for the ones I love inside. But I’m starting to be more selective of who I allow in. Some of my “friends” get the best parts of me, without even giving me substandard parts of themselves. I’m not a material person and normally I’d say receiving isn’t something I care about, but when it comes to my heart, it’s as deserving as the next. I guess what I’m saying is if you’re not willing to give a little of yourself to get a lot of myself, then this isn’t worth our time. Thanks for the memories.