I’m the perfect little pin cushion
I’m a self loathing fucking masochist
I play a dangerous game
Of cat and mouse
With my finger on the trigger
Barrel pressed against my head
I do it for the rush
For the feeling that Makes me feel alive
I do it to get my blood running
So I can again step back in line
Every person is lost
But I’ve yet to find my way
I stand still with your needles in my hands
What’s one more?
I do it for the pain
It gives me reason to survive
I feel closer to death while I’m still alive
So for you I’ll be the perfect little pin cushion
You can worry not
I’ll accept your pain with pleasure
Because this pain is all I’ve got
I’m the perfect little pin cushion
I’ve become disconnected
as this infection
within me spreads
gnawing to get out
dying to do me in…
fighting for this blood
slowing in these veins
drowning in my own destruction
again and again and again
losing the spark
within the fire
forming ice over my remains
I welcomed your poison
as it seeped under my skin
ripping through me
dying to do me in…
She lies there and listens to the foot steps getting closer. There’s a sudden flash of darkness underneath the doorway. Frightened and alone she crawls under her bed. The sound of his boots on the hardwood get closer, louder. They sound so close the fear begins to sink in under her skin. The door opens ever so slowly, without a sound. She watches from under the bed as he walks around it. She is silent. Holding her breath with all of her strength, knowing that if he finds her it will be her last. He doesn’t stay long, continuing his search down the hall in her brother’s room.
She listens. Waiting until the sound of each step gets further away. Breathing out, she catches a scream before it makes it past her lips. Crawling out from under that mattress she has a plan.
Her window is open a crack, so she crawls quietly over to the sill and pulls her shaken body up. As she peers out through the glass, something catches her eye. Unsteadily she turns around gripping tightly to the window sill to find the man standing in her doorway. He dashes across the room as she tries to climb out the window. When all of a sudden the room goes black.
A feeling of cold washes over her, opening her eyes to nothing but darkness. The air is thick and pungent. The smell of death is in the vicinity but without a light to see, there is no telling what direction it is coming from. She tries to move but her hands are bound. Is this it? Is this the end for her? She begins to kick furiously, hoping someone will hear her. What was that sound? Her heart starts pumping at the sound of footsteps. The light comes on and her eyes close. It is so bright that it stings. She reopens them slowly letting them adjust to the light so she can see who is there.
A shadowy figure covers her like an umbrella blocking out the sun. All she can see is the fire in his eyes, and she knows now that this is her hell. He bends down over her, his face still enveloped by his shadow. Reaching out he touches her face with rough gritty hands. The smell of dirt and rusted metal on his fingertips. Horrified, she turns her head away. His gentle touch quickly turns into anger as he grabs her face with his ogre like hand and pulls her up within an inch of his. She closed her eyes once more. His fiery breath warming her neck, and the sickly sweet smell coming out of his mouth made her gag.
The smell of infection riddled her sinuses, throwing her off guard. He drops her back to the floor. As she hits she rolls onto her side. Her view no longer blocked from the light, she can see everything in the room. Bodies of young girls strewn across the floor, naked and bloodied. A lifeless vision of what is to be her future as well. The man laughs at her as if this is all a big joke. She wasn’t amused, she was scared half to death. By the looks of it she wasn’t far from it either. He grabs her feet and drags her through the bodies. She screams as she bumps into each young tortured woman. Never had she imagined things like this existed, such a naive girl. He takes her into an empty room, well empty besides a lamp and a single hook hanging from the ceiling. He forces her to undress, she’s resistant all the way through. He hits her, knocking her to the ground. Grabs her by her ankles and wraps a rope snugly around them.
Lifting her up, he places her ankles up onto the hook and left her hanging upside down. At this point her tears have stopped flowing and her hopes are forgotten. She knows the inevitability of the situation so she doesn’t fight it. The man pulls out his knife and grazes her bare skin with it. Teasing her and taunting her. She’s ready, she’s never been more ready for anything in her life. Relief flows over her as he makes his first slice. Slowly and precise he cuts under her left breast. Using her blood like finger paints to draw hearts on her stomach. He holds her hand while he makes his next cut, as if they were in it together.
They were in it together, in a sense. This moment was theirs and no one elses. A memorable one at that. Her complexion fades but her heart still beats. Not for much longer though, her time is almost here. This is usually his favorite part, watching the life fade from their eyes, but hers doesn’t fade. Her eyes are brighter and more lovely than ever. She is ready for this. Gripping onto his hand as if forever was seconds away, she whispers goodbye. He kisses her cheek and whispers it back. He gracefully places the blade against her neck and slides it across. The blood flows down her chin and over her lips and she had never been as beautiful as in this moment.
I still hear your voice
Just a whisper riding the wind
And I can smell your scent
As it remains upon my skin
The taste of your final kiss
Lingers like poison on my tongue
Your touch so bitter sweet
It still makes me come undone
The blood, it flows
Even from your ice cold heart
Painting my everlasting love for you
Under this crimson river we shall part.
And this dirt beneath my nails
Is the only proof left to be found
As my love for you
Is buried deep beneath this ground