Every day I come across memories., little reminders of her. Everything lately reminds me.. Simple things like songs on the radio, and her ceramic angels that line my walls. Even her shirt that hangs in my closet, the one she wore on frannie’s first easter. I don’t have much left of my mother. I don’t have any pictures of her and I together. I don’t have very many actual memories of her. Most of them I’m not even sure are real memories, but I like to think that they are. I recall a lot of bad times growing up and very few good ones. My mom was hardly perfect, far from it actually, but I loved her regardless. Whether I followed in her footsteps or I paved my own path, I don’t know, but I am also far from perfect. But lately the sun has been peeking out from behind the clouds, and I like to think she’s watching over me. I am not religious and I do not believe in God, but I do find comfort in the sun. The other day the sun shone down on me and every thought, good and bad, had come back to me. She is still with me, I carry her close, as close as I can. I love her and I miss her. But I am thankful for these little reminders. I will never have to worry about forgetting her face, or her voice, or how much she means to me.
My heart beats like whispers
Just a star amongst the storm
An irrational constellation
That is quietly taking form
To shine below the heavens
Shedding light onto this land
Forged by the fury of your orbit
As you’ve graced me with a hand
To hold me down onto this dirt
As we wait out this stormy weather
Beneath these blackened skies
Our hearts shall beat together
A little white light
did once shine brightly
amongst the edge of the forest
just beneath the clouds
no longer guiding
glowing dim down to nil
drowned out the sights of the moon
yet emphasized the sounds of the earth
the dampness in the dark
smothered the light
to all the creatures in the night
water flowing gently
over dirt and stone
afraid to wander
through the shadows
not knowing what is lurking
behind every turn
if I were to walk all alone
nothing is ever perfect
it never really was
a moment once here
is soon to be surely gone
a mighty storm swells in the distance
clouds come rolling through
fight your way through the raindrops
as much as you want to run and hide
because it is all you know to do
stay strong, stand tall
fight your way though it
I am sure you can make it
let true happiness find you
you deserve it and more
no more reasons to fake it
reach out your hands
into the passing cloud cover
there may not be another
just reach out and take it
Somewhere beyond the stars I know you’re there waiting for me.
Off in the distance…
Passed the sun and over the moon you wait patiently.
It is not my time…
Your nonjudgmental eyes as you watch my life unfold.
When that time comes I will find my way back to you.
And that day we will light up the night sky together.
Stars shining brightly…
It is hard to feel alive when everything around you is dead or dying.
And some times it’s hard to find inspiration when the world seems to be caving in around you.
Maybe I am not looking hard enough, seeking far enough, seeing what is right before my eyes.
I will look harder this time, look beyond a dying moment.
Out of death, life emerges.
When I feel like the storm has me weathered, and the clouds come rolling through.
I’ll wait for the clouds to pass, and look up to the heavens.
And there is where I see you and your smile peeking through.
Dedicated to my mother, who despite her flaws, was a wonderful woman whom I wish I had had more time with. She will always be missed.
you crashed into my orbit
engulfed me in your world
swirled together through the milky way
round and round the blazing sun
until that moon you placed inside my hands
and that star that you had strung
the one that graced my chest
gravitated their way back to you
as you pulled yourself away
all but snapping my neck
as the star fought to break free
free from me,
free from all you said we could be
as you pulled away
I dropped out of your orbit
whilst also losing mine
falling so fast I caught fire
burning in this atmosphere
choking on this smoke left in these lungs
burned and broken
all that does remain
smears of ash upon clouds of white
remnants of a damaged star
I will go blindly into this night, into the dark. I shall not fear the unknown, but embrace it with open arms. To search for the little bits of light that have been riddled throughout, hidden in the darkness. I know it does exist, it must, it just has to be sought out, and seek it I shall. With as much faith as I can muster up, I will be vigilant in my search. Through the dank, tortuous roads, not guided by light posts, but by the light of the moon. The air so thick I must claw my way through. Sifting the mist through my fingers. The dark can be overwhelming at times, but hold on I must. Keeping my head up as I walk this darkened path. For I know that the light at the end will be brilliant, and I will finally have found what I have been searching for. So fearlessly I march, to the end, to reach the beginning again.
There was a time when love had filled this heart. Filled it to the brim. Those days have long since passed. Life itself has diminished into a mere spectacle of what once was, what it can never truly be again. Whole, wholesome, happy. The darkness lingers like a thick mist that clouds your vision, making it hard to see what is right in front of you. Enveloping your every breath, creating a shortage in your lungs. The lackluster look on your face tells your story well, yet you say nothing at all. Everything I had worked for, hoped for, wanted was so easily lost in a matter of moments. Gone for good, gone possibly forever.
I bury myself under this earth in hopes to drown out the wind.
For it cries out to me every time you come across my mind.
The storm that’s approaching is seemingly bigger than the last.
May this one bring a thunder that crashes so loudly my ears ring,
so I can no longer hear your voice.
And lightning that hits me so fiercely that I’m blinded to the sight of you.
Wiping every memory of your face from my mind.
Raindrops that will impersonate my tears, allowing my eyes to finally dry.
Let my sorrows wash away in the rivers they’ve created.
Washing away the memory as I am unearthed once more.
The warming sun rises alongside me, rebirthing me, without any remembrance of you.