Dead Inside

Scalding water washing over me

With bare breasts and flushed skin

Hoping for pain unbearable

Needing to feel something real

Trying so hard to wash away my sadness

But I just can’t scrub hard enough

Can’t clean myself deep enough

The rot has buried it’s roots inside me

Growing slowly, thriving on my anger

Corrupting every last bit of me

Leaving dread in corners long neglected

Like an infection that spreads without care

Not repulsed by hatred and burnt flesh

It hungers for more, so I push it deeper

I cry out louder, someone hear me

But my screams are silenced

By walls I built around my lungs

Strangled by my tortured hands

Fighting back against myself

In this losing battle of dark and light

I stand here quietly as death lingers on my tongue

Pain(t) me

Your words are your brush

And I am your canvas

You make sweeping motions

And cut me open

Pressing hard

Cutting deeper

My words bleed red

Stained paper

Freshly gouged flesh

In the shapes and sounds

Of your animosity

Beg of me your muse

Skin deep

Paper thin

Slices of ice cold hearts

Blended a dark purple

But I like the hurt

So paint me with your insanity

Dripped tastelessly in agony

And hang me out to dry

Stink of You

These thoughts linger like the stench of death It has embedded itself into my pores
Covering me with its filth
This grotesque madness engulfs me
Rotting me inside out
Flowing through my veins like sewage
Causing the infection to spread
Scavenging around inside my worn down heart
Picking through the best of me
The only salvageable parts that are left
Stuffing them into holes dug with my memories
Filling me to the brim with dirt and death
But I just can’t get the stink of you off of me


I run my finger along the mirrors cracks
Feeling every one of my imperfections multiplied by ten
Singling one out, I circle it
Telling myself how ugly I’ve become
I recall a time when I felt beautiful
Without the help of a mirror or lighting
I remember waking up beautiful
And falling asleep beautifully
But broken hearts and empty loves changed me
Every sad thought and bad dream form on my surface
Left with disfigured reflections to see

Through the Smoke

It’s getting harder and harder to see the good in a world filled to the brim with the bad.

This evil flows freely through every crevice and crack, overfilling and overflowing into our lives as sure as sunshine.

When corrupting even the purest of hearts is so easy nowadays, where can we stand to get out of the fire?

How can we continue to walk forward when everything around us is burning to the ground?

I need help looking through the smoke, and learning to live with the heat.

Because this hell on Earth isn’t going away, it’s growing and claiming all that we love as it’s own.

 Made of Paper

There was this warmth in your eyes that could keep me wrapped up tight for hours.
And there was this fire on your tongue that lit brighter with every word you whispered to me.
I let you in and I even stoked your flames, as I loved to watch you grow.
But I wore this heart on my sleeves like I was made of paper.
When your blaze became uncontrollable it was too late to out run your embers.
There was this fire that caught hold and engulfed me, consuming every inch.
But even after the inferno had died down
and ash was all that was left of me, I still wanted you to keep me warm.



Memories of You

These arduous memories of you linger like stagnant smoke in a chilly room
I try to break through them,
breathing warm words into the air but they remain
They’ve stamped themselves onto my heart the way nicotine stains the teeth
Your corruption flows through my veins changing me into something bitter, something rotten
Only I hold the antidote, but it’s lost, tangled within the roots you planted deep inside the nether that is my mind.
I’m just not sure I’m quite strong enough yet to cut this poison out, so I continue to let it steep.


The Wildfire

Like the only tree left standing after a wildfire has swept through the forest, I stand alone.
My broken limbs and charred branches extend, despite the fire that consumes me.
The flames run through me, rushing like blood away from this beating heart.
Ashes line the forest floor, leaving nothing but trails of hurt behind me.
This fire has stolen the oxygen straight out of my lungs and ripped the words from my throat.
Lifeless and broken, I continue to stand tall.
I dig my roots deeper into the dirt, holding on for dear life .


Peel back my eyes 

Show me the things I’m too blind to see
I’m stuck inside this hell that lives inside of me
This darkness that surrounds me
It revels in my pain

Cut out my tongue
Speak the words I could never say
Stitch my lips together to keep songs from spilling out
The secrets that they hold
Hold me captive

Tear out my heart
Writhing at your touch
Let the blood pump through your fingers
Feel it beat inside your hands
Breathe life back into me

The Suffering

I creak like rotted floor boards in a hundred year old house. And these splinters have buried themselves deep within my flesh pushing further with every single step. My bones cracking beneath the weight of this demon that has hitched a ride on my back. 

Casting shadows so far in front of me that I have to look back to see the light. I break like stained glass cathedral windows in the hands of the unfaithful. Shattered, scattered in my hands and in my heart. My blood the color of rust from years of stagnant tears overflow. Drowning in dust and cobwebs built up over time. Losing all my memories, like a picture in a broken frame. I crackle with ruby embers popping in the night. Turning to ash after all of my walls go up in flames. Just remnants of a foundation hollowed out by hate.