Catching Fire

Cut me open and let my demons flow out
Bleeding words onto the page like spilled ink
Writing and rewriting these memories in my head
Broken promises cast long lasting shadows
Keeping my scars hidden from the world
Voices calling out to me from the darkness
Trying to convince me to come play in the chaos yet again
Thinking in circles, spinning out of control
Fighting with these feelings of insignificance
Tearing flesh hastily from my bones
To let these thoughts out
The fiends dance on the tip of my tongue
Trying to tell me how to speak
Gloom envelopes me in its blanket
Keeping me safe inside the warmth
This heart is not a flicker but a flame
I let myself catch fire
To keep the world from judging me

Shadows

She breathes in and thrives on the darkness
She glows long into the night
Never fearing the things that hide behind the shadows
Never having any need for the light

My thoughts run into the negative
And I know I should run from them
But instead I stay and let the dark consume me
I’m becoming comfortable with the chaos
I don’t know any other way

Candlelight

The flicker of the candle accentuates the droplets on my window.
The rain falls steady and the air is thick
And I can’t help but let my thoughts run rampant
Running my hand along the blank pages of my notebook, I write
Pulling inspiration from the weather
Doom, gloom and chaotic memories
These words flow out like rising riverbanks
I try to catch them in buckets before they soak back into the floorboards
Until I’m overwhelmed by the fog
And this notebook is all that’s left to remind me
I watch the glow of the candle dissipate
Sinking back into the darkness

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My Demons

My demons slither
just beneath the surface
Clawing to be let out
They torment me
In hopes that I give up
Or I give in
But I’m stronger than they think
I can’t hold them at bay forever
But for now I can hold them in

Secrets

Peel back my eyes 

Show me the things I’m too blind to see
I’m stuck inside this hell that lives inside of me
This darkness that surrounds me
It revels in my pain

Cut out my tongue
Speak the words I could never say
Stitch my lips together to keep songs from spilling out
The secrets that they hold
Hold me captive

Tear out my heart
Writhing at your touch
Let the blood pump through your fingers
Feel it beat inside your hands
Breathe life back into me

The Suffering

I creak like rotted floor boards in a hundred year old house. And these splinters have buried themselves deep within my flesh pushing further with every single step. My bones cracking beneath the weight of this demon that has hitched a ride on my back. 

Casting shadows so far in front of me that I have to look back to see the light. I break like stained glass cathedral windows in the hands of the unfaithful. Shattered, scattered in my hands and in my heart. My blood the color of rust from years of stagnant tears overflow. Drowning in dust and cobwebs built up over time. Losing all my memories, like a picture in a broken frame. I crackle with ruby embers popping in the night. Turning to ash after all of my walls go up in flames. Just remnants of a foundation hollowed out by hate. 

With the bathwater 

I’m built up on lies and pain and hurt. Sometimes I just want to cry out, but there’s never anyone there to hear me. This life I live is not my own. It owns me and I owe it everything. These are the thoughts I’m chained to, these are the truths that sustain me.

Standing there, hot water beating hard against my chest. Everything is quiet, I’ve tuned everything else out. Im trapped inside myself, trapped inside my head. Wondering how hot it’d have to be for me to just melt and be washed away with the suds. Wondering if anyone would even notice I was gone.

I’m not so sure it matters anymore.

Abyss

As I stare into the black hole, I fall deeper
Farther into the abyss
Into the nether, the nothingness

I crawl aimlessly inside the darkness

While I struggle with my own sins
Fearful of a messy battle, a losing fight
But still I’m hopeful, that I’ll find a hidden light

In need of the brightest lantern

I am lost so deep in the dark that no amount of light could bring me home. No amount of faith could bring me peace. No amount of love could overcome this hate that builds inside of me. So lost that this path takes me in circles. It’s like playing a horror movie on an unending repeat. Torturing me over and over and over. I’m dying on the inside, despite the smile that graces my face. I am almost content hiding inside this never-ending darkness. I feel whole inside this unhappy place.