Secrets

Peel back my eyes 

Show me the things I’m too blind to see
I’m stuck inside this hell that lives inside of me
This darkness that surrounds me
It revels in my pain

Cut out my tongue
Speak the words I could never say
Stitch my lips together to keep songs from spilling out
The secrets that they hold
Hold me captive

Tear out my heart
Writhing at your touch
Let the blood pump through your fingers
Feel it beat inside your hands
Breathe life back into me

The Suffering

I creak like rotted floor boards in a hundred year old house. And these splinters have buried themselves deep within my flesh pushing further with every single step. My bones cracking beneath the weight of this demon that has hitched a ride on my back. 

Casting shadows so far in front of me that I have to look back to see the light. I break like stained glass cathedral windows in the hands of the unfaithful. Shattered, scattered in my hands and in my heart. My blood the color of rust from years of stagnant tears overflow. Drowning in dust and cobwebs built up over time. Losing all my memories, like a picture in a broken frame. I crackle with ruby embers popping in the night. Turning to ash after all of my walls go up in flames. Just remnants of a foundation hollowed out by hate. 

With the bathwater 

I’m built up on lies and pain and hurt. Sometimes I just want to cry out, but there’s never anyone there to hear me. This life I live is not my own. It owns me and I owe it everything. These are the thoughts I’m chained to, these are the truths that sustain me.

Standing there, hot water beating hard against my chest. Everything is quiet, I’ve tuned everything else out. Im trapped inside myself, trapped inside my head. Wondering how hot it’d have to be for me to just melt and be washed away with the suds. Wondering if anyone would even notice I was gone.

I’m not so sure it matters anymore.

In need of the brightest lantern

I am lost so deep in the dark that no amount of light could bring me home. No amount of faith could bring me peace. No amount of love could overcome this hate that builds inside of me. So lost that this path takes me in circles. It’s like playing a horror movie on an unending repeat. Torturing me over and over and over. I’m dying on the inside, despite the smile that graces my face. I am almost content hiding inside this never-ending darkness. I feel whole inside this unhappy place.

Broken Wounds

I let shit fester
And I dwell on things that hurt my heart
Like a broken wound
That I tear open and let bleed
Over and over again
I can wipe the blood away
But the cut remains
Still aching, slowly infecting me
So I break myself down
Like an unwanted box
I’m empty on the inside and out
Tear me apart
Made up of reused pieces
Damaged lungs and a broken heart
Even though it still hurts
I will rip off the scab
To re-open the wounds
Because that’s all that I know
So I will let shit fester
And I will dwell on things that hurt my heart

My Lessons

Everyday I live, I learn
Be the lesson big or small
But take them in I will
I will try to understand them all
Life has taught me things
That can’t be learned in any book
Things that before I stopped to listen
Usually I would overlook
Not appreciating the haves
When the have nots kept piling in
Always throwing down my cards
Before I even had a chance to win
Always taking the bad news
Before I’d hear the good
I wish I had stopped to listen sooner
If only I knew I could
Never knowing where I was headed
Kept me fearful, in my place
But life has begun to move me
From my normal darkened space
And show me things
That at one time I didn’t know
Now that I finally get it
I can finally grow
I can leave the past behind me
In a trail of rustled dust
And never look back at that that used to haunt me
Now focusing on tomorrow is a must