After All

I used to look back

Because those were brighter days

But that was before I sat myself down inside the chaos

Before I let myself be absorbed into the darkness that surrounded me

My heart isn’t made up of brighter days

After all

It’s made up of hostility and hatred

Shattered hopes and dying dreams

It’s as dark as the day when the sun finally burns out

I’m burning out

Spinning in circles only fans the flames

I’m so full of fury

That it drips off my brow like sweat

Fueling the anger that runs hot beneath my skin

Filling these empty voids with memories like tinder

As I set fire to all the good I’ve kept within

My heart isn’t made for brighter days

After all

Not with all the darkness that it’s soaked in


The sun sets and I dread the night to come

Because with the darkness come the dreams

And with the dreams come visions of what could’ve been

How we should’ve been

Hesitantly I lie my head down to slumber

Buried under the weight of the unknowing

Not being able to fight it, I succumb to the sandman’s powers

And hope that morning comes quickly

Redbull gives me insomnia(wings not included)

It’s nights like tonight when I lie in bed, Red bull still pumping through my veins from supper time and my dog scratching my legs as he tries to make himself comfortable under my blanket, that I over think things. I think about yesterday. I think about last week. I think about that one guy I dated 10 years ago. I’ve been thinking about him a lot lately. Mostly in my dreams, sometimes not. I wonder how he’s doing and wonder if he ever wonders how I’m doing. Probably not. I’m not the type of person people wonder about. It’s ok, I’m used to it. It’s funny because the whole time I was drinking my energy drink I was thinking that I shouldn’t because I’ll be awake all night long. Maybe that was subconsciously the plan. A means of self torture for some random shitty thing I’ve done at some random shitty time in my life. Oh well, no rest for the wicked I suppose.

Bad Dreams

You come to me deep inside my slumber
Whispering sweet sorrows into my ears
As if my own thoughts don’t carry enough toxicity
Your sadness surrounds me like a ring of fire
Pulling me in close and then swallowing me whole
This feeling flows with a steady pulse throughout my veins
Injecting your fears into my bones
Already brittled under the weight of my own worries
Crushing me beneath your darkness
Pushing your nightmares hard against my dreamland
Causing me to wake to heartache and rain clouds

A dream within a dream

I am awake in this dream

once just a dream within a dream

now I can see

what before I couldn’t

I’ve seen but can’t un see

the things that have been hidden

hiding behind my eyes

they disguise themselves

no they hide in a disguise


to wake within a dream

unable to be what is to be

I have finally seen

what has always been meant

for me to see

I’ve felt the hand of hell

and it presses hot upon my skin

let me in he says,

let me in, now let me in


no longer dreaming while I sleep

for I awoke

from within this slumber

I was but a dreamer

and in that dream

I was but a number

Just the one who holds the truth

in that dream made up of lies

and I realize

my sleeping has grown weary

and my eyes have grown teary

but no longer do I fear

this dreamer behind these eyes


Sleepless night
          restless again
     so many thoughts
run through my head
            I've gotten lost
   inside these walls
                    waiting here 
            for myself to fall
                       into slumber
drown out the screams
      off to a happy place
                 within my dreams


I grow tired
As I soak in all this light
I dream for one to steal me
Into the darkness of the night
To lead me down the pathway
Disheveled and unclean
To a place unbeknownst to I
One that I’ve never been
A place riddled with hatred
More than I’ve held inside
A shack amongst the shoreline
In the wake of the rising tide
But as I’m shackled to my memories
Ones that I shall never be set free
A simple dream is all I’ll have
In the enlightened side of me.


I’ve been hopeful of a future

that may not ever come

And all these things I dream of

may never be outdone

As the light gleams in the distance

it slowly fades out in my path

Everything I’ve ever wished for

seems to disappear too fast

Free Bird

My head lies on the pillow awaiting for a dream
                   to sweep me up and away from here
               away from everything that I have seen
                           The lights get to be too bright
                      will you dim them down a bit for me?
                                 There's so much in this darkness
                           that I have yet to get a chance to see
                                          Something evil may be lurking
                                       but those chances are pretty low
                                             Under the spark of a shooting star
                                                    I can wander around forever
                                                   ever knowing where I will go
                                                         This dream will be a journey
                                      one that will take me to places I've never been
                                                                 Imagination gets to run wild
                                                                 not destined to run in place
                                                                            I am free within my head
                                                           to roam wherever I want inside this space
                                              So vast
                                                                               No more reasons to hide myself
                                                                         I can finally outrun my damaged past
                                                                                            Away from pain, and anger
                                                                                          I can leave them far behind
                             For I am finally a free bird
                                               when I get lost inside my mind

Dream Defined

Nothing but black floats over head,

Surrounded by this dark, dank suffering,

I exude heightened visions of the dead

But alas this is but a simple dream. (or is it)

Death separated at birth,

lost within my fractured walls.

Life’s portrayal of something wicked,

unimaginable anxieties dwell inside this heart.

Gaining fuel at the hands of a martyr,

your sacrificial lamb.

Fires raging underneath layers of muddled tissue.

A sweet furious incarnation,

emerges from these flames of wonder.

Marvelous awakening,

all whilst engulfed in a surrendered dream.