Holding My Breath

He’s holding my breath
So I am not able to breathe
I’m grasping at straws
Because there’s no air to be seen

He’s holding me down
Trapped in my own skin
My lungs are collapsing
As I’m drowning within

He’s holding me still
Not letting me move
He holds me with words
Like he has something to prove

He’s holding me back
From where I’d hoped life would be
And I’m suffering here
Knowing this life’s not for me

 

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The Tide

I watch the tide rise

and I watch the tide fall

burying the past

pulling under

everything 

That I have ever had

Drowning 

in the ocean

buried in the sea 

of memories

and lost chances

smoothing stones

as I tumble

underneath

the surface

down 

where no one can see

drowning

in the ocean 

buried under the sea

I dig myself a grave

of dirt 

and muck 

and sand

of all the things beneath 

you’d never hold inside your hand

digging holes inside the ocean

buried deep within the sea

waves shall come 

and waves will go

push and pull my heart

no longer does it flow

into the ocean

there is nothing left of me

Sink or Swim

I am just barely keeping my head above water. Thoughts and memories tend to drop me like a concrete brick in the ocean. I always make it back to the surface only to lose my breath and sink again. Even with all the water in my lungs I keep swimming, I have to, there’s no other option for me. Maybe someday I will finally make it back to the shore, safe and sound. So safe… So sound…

Do Me In

I’ve become disconnected

as this infection 

within me spreads

gnawing to get out

dying to do me in…

fighting for this blood

slowing in these veins

drowning in my own destruction

again and again and again

losing the spark 

within the fire

forming ice over my remains

I welcomed your poison 

as it seeped under my skin

ripping through me

dying to do me in…

On The Edge

Standing on the edge of this cliff.

Looking down into the abyss,

the rocky waters.

Hoping for something to give,

to help me over the edge,

to stare down my impending death.

I fall…

Drowning in the waters below.

As the waves pull me under,

over,

under.

Fiercely tearing me in every direction.

Pulling me away from everything I once was.

Everything I wished to leave behind.

Drifting off to be scattered amongst the silt,

to become one with the earth.

To disappear from everything

I never want to experience again.

The love,

the hatred,

the hurt,

the waiting for nothing.

Always sacrificing myself for something,

for someone.

So I wait at the top of the highest hill for my savior.

I long for that one gust of wind,

that has the strength that I have not to jump,

to take it out of my hands.

To rescue me from this.

Save me