I used to look back
Because those were brighter days
But that was before I sat myself down inside the chaos
Before I let myself be absorbed into the darkness that surrounded me
My heart isn’t made up of brighter days
It’s made up of hostility and hatred
Shattered hopes and dying dreams
It’s as dark as the day when the sun finally burns out
I’m burning out
Spinning in circles only fans the flames
I’m so full of fury
That it drips off my brow like sweat
Fueling the anger that runs hot beneath my skin
Filling these empty voids with memories like tinder
As I set fire to all the good I’ve kept within
My heart isn’t made for brighter days
Not with all the darkness that it’s soaked in
Trying to swallow my own madness
But this insanity creeps up slowly
Clawing first at my lungs so I can’t breathe
Making its way through the lump in my chest
Tearing open my throat as all of my anger spills out
Dripping pain and sorrow onto my hands as I try to hold myself together
To no avail
These thoughts linger like the stench of death It has embedded itself into my pores
Covering me with its filth
This grotesque madness engulfs me
Rotting me inside out
Flowing through my veins like sewage
Causing the infection to spread
Scavenging around inside my worn down heart
Picking through the best of me
The only salvageable parts that are left
Stuffing them into holes dug with my memories
Filling me to the brim with dirt and death
But I just can’t get the stink of you off of me
We’re living in a chromatic world that chooses to see everything in black and white.
I’m trying to keep my head and heart clear while everyone around me lives behind rose colored glasses.
We hate and argue over differences in appearance, thoughts and beliefs.
I’m trying to see the good, but it’s really hard to understand any of it.
So I’ve become comfortably numb in a world that’s become comfortably ignorant.
There was this warmth in your eyes that could keep me wrapped up tight for hours.
And there was this fire on your tongue that lit brighter with every word you whispered to me.
I let you in and I even stoked your flames, as I loved to watch you grow.
But I wore this heart on my sleeves like I was made of paper.
When your blaze became uncontrollable it was too late to out run your embers.
There was this fire that caught hold and engulfed me, consuming every inch.
But even after the inferno had died down
and ash was all that was left of me, I still wanted you to keep me warm.
Like the only tree left standing after a wildfire has swept through the forest, I stand alone.
My broken limbs and charred branches extend, despite the fire that consumes me.
The flames run through me, rushing like blood away from this beating heart.
Ashes line the forest floor, leaving nothing but trails of hurt behind me.
This fire has stolen the oxygen straight out of my lungs and ripped the words from my throat.
Lifeless and broken, I continue to stand tall.
I dig my roots deeper into the dirt, holding on for dear life .
I feel like I’m treading water
And the harder I fight the current
The faster the waves pull me under
Every time I take a breath
My lungs fill and I fall deeper
The surface is but a glimpse of what could have been
What should’ve been
What will never be
I can feel the sand flow through my fingers now
As the darkness starts to sway
To and fro before my burning eyes
As the last tiny bubble of air escapes my throat
I manage to release a whisper
Nothing left to say but a sweet goodbye…
I am lost so deep in the dark that no amount of light could bring me home. No amount of faith could bring me peace. No amount of love could overcome this hate that builds inside of me. So lost that this path takes me in circles. It’s like playing a horror movie on an unending repeat. Torturing me over and over and over. I’m dying on the inside, despite the smile that graces my face. I am almost content hiding inside this never-ending darkness. I feel whole inside this unhappy place.
As I sit here wondering, pondering
All alone my mind is wandering
Thinking thoughts of regret and sorrow
Knowing that my shitty today
Will turn into a shittier tomorrow
Holding tight under my cloak of black
Hoping hell has a tunnel back
But I fear I’m stuck inside these fiery tombs
Drowning my lungs in the burning fumes
Losing faith in men unseen
Even death couldn’t make me clean
Thoughts lost in dark, I’m losing light
Seems my world is engulfed by night
Hatred brews in this mind of mine
And I lose touch from time to time
I let it slither under my skin
It eats me up from outside in
I wish my fears would somehow fade
So I could forget the mistakes I’ve made
But this hell within has its grip so tight
That not even hope could make this right
I think this is it,
I may have lost the fight
All that’s left is to drift off into the night
Sometimes when you find love
it doesn’t make sense
it isnt right
and it may hurt like hell
but you have to experience it
to understand what it is
and where it is leading you
life isn’t as perfect
as some may lead
you to believe
and life may not be as bad
as some would like you
to see it
you have to live it
and you have to live it
that not everything works out right
but not everything
that doesn’t work out is wrong
it’s all about perspective
and what you see as real
and what you seem to think
and what you tend to feel
Not everything is as perfect
as the cloudy bluish sky
by I have stopped wondering
I no longer ask why
sometimes you find love
and sometimes it finds you
and sometimes things dont work out
quite as well as you had hoped them too
but you decide
to just go with the flow
not sure where it’ll lead you
not sure where you will go
but trusting in your instincts
to lead you where you need to be
to lead you away from
all that is hazardous for we