This…

This heart’s been left lonely
Tossed out in the cold
Nothing left to warm me
Nor a hand to hold
My silence is deceiving
As it lies in wait
Deciding its worth
What lies with my fate
But out here in the cold
Where I sit and suffer
Another heart grown colder
Just another bitter lover

Let’s get this shit over with

I’m the perfect little pin cushion
I’m a self loathing fucking masochist
I play a dangerous game
Of cat and mouse
With my finger on the trigger
Barrel pressed against my head
I do it for the rush
For the feeling that Makes me feel alive
I do it to get my blood running
So I can again step back in line
Every person is lost
But I’ve yet to find my way
I stand still with your needles in my hands
What’s one more?
I do it for the pain
It gives me reason to survive
I feel closer to death while I’m still alive
So for you I’ll be the perfect little pin cushion
You can worry not
I’ll accept your pain with pleasure
Because this pain is all I’ve got

But…

You look, but fail to see
You hear, but fail to listen
You touch, but fail to feel
You are within reach, yet so very far away
You may be out of sight, but you’re never out of mind

Mini rant

I’ve been trying to figure out where I belong in this massive space and I just don’t know. I try way too hard to keep everyone around me happy and content. The only person being neglected is myself. I’ve been suffering from headaches lately which I’m sure is stress related. I can’t keep up with this charade. If I’m not happy, how can I make anyone else happy? Its not genuine anymore, its become a job that I have to keep up with. I just don’t think I can anymore. I’ve given up things and people because of this and its just pulling me under. I feel like I’m drowning on air. Choking myself more with every single breath I take. When will enough finally be enough? I hope it doesn’t take forever.

Stuck

I’m sick of crying over words unsaid
I dwell on their deeper meaning
I’m tired of trying to keep this out of my head
I’m suffering from what you’re not seeing
It pains me to live while not feeling alive
This tortuous hole I’m stuck in
But to dig myself out I’ll not even try
I’ve grown used to my tattered old skin

Cliff

I am just dragging myself over a cliff
Hurling myself onto a bunch of jagged rocks
Fiercely tearing me apart limb by limb as I fall
Piece by fucking piece
Slowly draining every last drop of blood from this lifeless hunk of flesh I call home
Staining these rocks with what once was my life force
No longer bleeding
My hearts no longer beating
My loneliness no longer needing
A hopeless kind of lover like you
Torn into bits by your metaphorical hands
Your ice riddled bitter heart left me frost bitten
Cold
Dead
Lonely
Left alone in this world
Meak and broken
Silenced, unspoken
Hidden in the shadows of the sun
So I climbed the highest mountain
Threw my pennies in the fountain
And wished myself finally rid of you
I crawled to the edge
Said your name in a prayer
As I dragged myself over a cliff

Left Behind

There is nothing left of me, certainly nothing left for you

Losing sight of everything, those things that I once knew

Forgetting where my place is, leaving all of it behind

Letting hate consume everything of the nothing I am inside

I’m Falling

And I’m falling in this instance

as these tears come pouring down

to wash away my worries

to dissipate my frown

but not even wishful thinking

can save me from myself

every corner of my mind

just keeps on torturing itself

Listen Up

I will tell you this and you’ll listen.

Because I am sick of being nice.

I am sick of playing this game fair,

as if it’s winnable at the roll of a dice.

Im sick of trying to keep my hands clean

while yours are always digging in the mud.

So go ahead and cry yourself a river,

I am readily preparing for your flood.

You made your bed, now lie in it.

After all,

lying is what you do the best.