After All

I used to look back

Because those were brighter days

But that was before I sat myself down inside the chaos

Before I let myself be absorbed into the darkness that surrounded me

My heart isn’t made up of brighter days

After all

It’s made up of hostility and hatred

Shattered hopes and dying dreams

It’s as dark as the day when the sun finally burns out

I’m burning out

Spinning in circles only fans the flames

I’m so full of fury

That it drips off my brow like sweat

Fueling the anger that runs hot beneath my skin

Filling these empty voids with memories like tinder

As I set fire to all the good I’ve kept within

My heart isn’t made for brighter days

After all

Not with all the darkness that it’s soaked in

lights out

There is no light when the love’s gone

There are no better days or open doors

It’s like walking through fields of water overflowing

Each step you slip deeper

Every minute brings you closer to the edge

An abyss awaits to suck you in and bring you down

It’s there to remind you of everything you’ve loved and lost

To convince you that nothing matters because all of the shit that used to, left you behind

Waiting in the distance hoping to watch you cave in

Under the weight of it all

To drown in the very tears that held memories as they slid down your cheek

It’s dark when the light is off

And cold when the love runs out

Fool me once

I’m a fool

I fool myself into believing in people and love and lies

I fool myself into thinking this time will be different

This one will be different

That I’ll be different

I fool myself into listening to people and bullshit and lies

I fool myself into believing that the grass can be greener on the other side of the fence

Only to realize that I am that which creates the poison

That which grows the toxic roots that spread amongst everything I touch

I am a fool

I’ve been fooled into believing in people and lies and myself

Some days I’m full of fire

Like embers dancing with the wind

A full on wildfire

Burning bridges at both ends

On others I fall fast like ashes

Just a burnt out speck spread amongst the filth

Burying myself alive

Underneath my own guilt

Chromatic

We’re living in a chromatic world that chooses to see everything in black and white.

I’m trying to keep my head and heart clear while everyone around me lives behind rose colored glasses.

We hate and argue over differences in appearance, thoughts and beliefs.

I’m trying to see the good, but it’s really hard to understand any of it.

So I’ve become comfortably numb in a world that’s become comfortably ignorant.

Treading Water

I feel like I’m treading water

And the harder I fight the current
The faster the waves pull me under
Every time I take a breath
My lungs fill and I fall deeper
The surface is but a glimpse of what could have been
What should’ve been
What will never be

I can feel the sand flow through my fingers now
As the darkness starts to sway
To and fro before my burning eyes
As the last tiny bubble of air escapes my throat
I manage to release a whisper
Nothing left to say but a sweet goodbye…

Left Me

You left me bleeding
Standing naked in the street
Crying out for you
Bearing my soul to all who could see
I stood there broken
Unable to make a move
Unable to open my eyes
Afraid that the rain had washed you away
Afraid that you had disappeared
Right before my eyes
But you remain here
Tormenting my heart still
Breaking what little is left of my free will