Embers

This sky is on fire

the clouds are burning down

fighting thoughts of degradation

leaving nothing in these hands

just soot stained fingerprints

around your forlorn throat

life outside you

lost within you

deep inside the fold

turned outside in

and inside out

it’s all the same

grasping onto everything

the wind perpetrates the embers

wreaking havoc on your soul

nothing left of your cooling ashes

nothing left to make you whole

442056519643712334_74rOR7bp_c

I’d Be

I’d only be lying to myself if I said that this doesn’t matter if I said I didn’t care
And I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you I wished you were here, not there

I’d be unfaithful to myself if I kept all these things I feel hidden
And I’d be a fool to think that you’d fall for me until I’d finally admit it.

The last time

This is the last tear that falls for you
The last one to pass this lid
The last time I fall for this
Without a net to catch me in
This is the last lie that will ever hurt me
The last one to flow over your lips
The last time I believe your words
Without the taste of poison in your kiss
This is the last word I will have spoken
The last one directed to you
The last time my heart will be broken
While you’re off loving somebody new

Playing God

I wish that I could erase time

I wouldn’t slow it down

nor reverse it

or even speed it up

just pick and choose

what to keep

and what to throw away

I wish that I could play God

with my own memories

I would doctor them up

so every recollection

was without you in it

no more constant reminders

of our broken past

I wish to clear this dirt away

from my rose colored glasses

to look past the lies

before my eyes

to tune out the words you speak

to forget that feel

of your arms around me

I wish to have more chances

with someone else

to remember things I loved

people I’ve missed

to look back at

everything I’ve missed out on

that seems so out of reach

I wish I didn’t have to wish

that you had been truthful

that you were true

I wish things had been perfect

that forever was in my grasp

I wish that you had seen

before the ending had come so fast

Repeat

tear me open

sew my wounds shut

break me down

then build me back up

keep me around

to distance yourself

place me on a pedestal

to heighten my fall

keep me alive

just to watch me die slowly

let me go

just to reel me back in

finish me off

repeat, and then do it again

One More

just one more to die it down

to take the pain away

just one more to kill the pain

to take it all away

just one more to show me where

where my heart does lie

just one more to prove to me

where my heart will die

 

Losing faith

I am losing faith

in everything I ever knew

in everything I never knew

in all that you say

in all that you do

you ask me once

you asked me twice

what would I do if I were you

that is a question unanswered

for I am not in your mind

I can not tell you what to think

I know not where your heart lies

All I know is where mine is hidden

and someday I will release it from within the dark

whether or not you are with me

is up to you

and whether you ever figure out what you want

Discontent

I don’t feel any connection

There’s something not quite right

I feel as if something’s missing

Not sure that it’s worth a fight

I want to know you miss me

I need to know you care

I’d like to see this grow

But you’re never really there

We can be so very close

Yet I feel so far away

I feel as if I am just a moment

I’m not sure if I should stay

I’m quiet out of confusion

And discontent within my heart

I want to be right there with you

But we’re always worlds apart

You say not what you’re thinking

But what you think I want to hear

In turn making this even harder

For me to hold you near

I do not know your intentions

Or if it’s just me and only me

But if you can’t figure this all out

Then please just let me be

In this moment

In this moment I feel alone
Like I am the last heart standing
Like the feelings I feel are misunderstood
Misinterpreted
In this moment I am deep in thought
Thoughts so deep I am buried
Under an oceanfloor
Under silt and seaweed
Deep into the lava flow
The core,
My core
Melting
Disintegrating
In this moment
I feel misused
I am miss spoken
So listen closely to this heartbeat
And to the tears that touch my lid
For my heart is more outspoken
Than my lips have ever been
Be patient
Listen close and hard
Be here good or bad
I will need a net after this damning fall.
And in this moment
I fall…
I fall to pieces…