No Avail

Trying to swallow my own madness

But this insanity creeps up slowly

Clawing first at my lungs so I can’t breathe

Making its way through the lump in my chest

Tearing open my throat as all of my anger spills out

Dripping pain and sorrow onto my hands as I try to hold myself together

To no avail

lights out

There is no light when the love’s gone

There are no better days or open doors

It’s like walking through fields of water overflowing

Each step you slip deeper

Every minute brings you closer to the edge

An abyss awaits to suck you in and bring you down

It’s there to remind you of everything you’ve loved and lost

To convince you that nothing matters because all of the shit that used to, left you behind

Waiting in the distance hoping to watch you cave in

Under the weight of it all

To drown in the very tears that held memories as they slid down your cheek

It’s dark when the light is off

And cold when the love runs out

Fool me once

I’m a fool

I fool myself into believing in people and love and lies

I fool myself into thinking this time will be different

This one will be different

That I’ll be different

I fool myself into listening to people and bullshit and lies

I fool myself into believing that the grass can be greener on the other side of the fence

Only to realize that I am that which creates the poison

That which grows the toxic roots that spread amongst everything I touch

I am a fool

I’ve been fooled into believing in people and lies and myself

Embers

This sky is on fire

the clouds are burning down

fighting thoughts of degradation

leaving nothing in these hands

just soot stained fingerprints

around your forlorn throat

life outside you

lost within you

deep inside the fold

turned outside in

and inside out

it’s all the same

grasping onto everything

the wind perpetrates the embers

wreaking havoc on your soul

nothing left of your cooling ashes

nothing left to make you whole

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I’d Be

I’d only be lying to myself if I said that this doesn’t matter if I said I didn’t care
And I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you I wished you were here, not there

I’d be unfaithful to myself if I kept all these things I feel hidden
And I’d be a fool to think that you’d fall for me until I’d finally admit it.

The last time

This is the last tear that falls for you
The last one to pass this lid
The last time I fall for this
Without a net to catch me in
This is the last lie that will ever hurt me
The last one to flow over your lips
The last time I believe your words
Without the taste of poison in your kiss
This is the last word I will have spoken
The last one directed to you
The last time my heart will be broken
While you’re off loving somebody new

Playing God

I wish that I could erase time

I wouldn’t slow it down

nor reverse it

or even speed it up

just pick and choose

what to keep

and what to throw away

I wish that I could play God

with my own memories

I would doctor them up

so every recollection

was without you in it

no more constant reminders

of our broken past

I wish to clear this dirt away

from my rose colored glasses

to look past the lies

before my eyes

to tune out the words you speak

to forget that feel

of your arms around me

I wish to have more chances

with someone else

to remember things I loved

people I’ve missed

to look back at

everything I’ve missed out on

that seems so out of reach

I wish I didn’t have to wish

that you had been truthful

that you were true

I wish things had been perfect

that forever was in my grasp

I wish that you had seen

before the ending had come so fast

Repeat

tear me open

sew my wounds shut

break me down

then build me back up

keep me around

to distance yourself

place me on a pedestal

to heighten my fall

keep me alive

just to watch me die slowly

let me go

just to reel me back in

finish me off

repeat, and then do it again

One More

just one more to die it down

to take the pain away

just one more to kill the pain

to take it all away

just one more to show me where

where my heart does lie

just one more to prove to me

where my heart will die