Losing faith

I am losing faith

in everything I ever knew

in everything I never knew

in all that you say

in all that you do

you ask me once

you asked me twice

what would I do if I were you

that is a question unanswered

for I am not in your mind

I can not tell you what to think

I know not where your heart lies

All I know is where mine is hidden

and someday I will release it from within the dark

whether or not you are with me

is up to you

and whether you ever figure out what you want

Discontent

I don’t feel any connection

There’s something not quite right

I feel as if something’s missing

Not sure that it’s worth a fight

I want to know you miss me

I need to know you care

I’d like to see this grow

But you’re never really there

We can be so very close

Yet I feel so far away

I feel as if I am just a moment

I’m not sure if I should stay

I’m quiet out of confusion

And discontent within my heart

I want to be right there with you

But we’re always worlds apart

You say not what you’re thinking

But what you think I want to hear

In turn making this even harder

For me to hold you near

I do not know your intentions

Or if it’s just me and only me

But if you can’t figure this all out

Then please just let me be

In this moment

In this moment I feel alone
Like I am the last heart standing
Like the feelings I feel are misunderstood
Misinterpreted
In this moment I am deep in thought
Thoughts so deep I am buried
Under an oceanfloor
Under silt and seaweed
Deep into the lava flow
The core,
My core
Melting
Disintegrating
In this moment
I feel misused
I am miss spoken
So listen closely to this heartbeat
And to the tears that touch my lid
For my heart is more outspoken
Than my lips have ever been
Be patient
Listen close and hard
Be here good or bad
I will need a net after this damning fall.
And in this moment
I fall…
I fall to pieces…

But A Rope

Your words are but a rope

a means for you to pull me in

and you’ve done just that

again and again

and again…

Dangling me on a string

for the ugly world to see

in this simple instance

as I pretend to not be me

Your smile is but a knife

one that cuts clean through my flesh

that drains my bleeding heart

until there is nothing left

hungry eyes

I’ll open these eyes that have been blinded
From all that I’ve not wanted to see
Behind your facade, I have been hiding
Hoping for more than I knew it would be
So blindly lead into the fire
Without as much as a fight or a fuss
But even I have grown weary and tired
No longer in you, can I trust
So I’ll put out these flames with my teardrops
As I lie here broken and blue
Bombarded by hate and by heartache
I’ll drown in my sorrows for you

 

Forbidden Fruits

What is it with me

and forbidden fruits?

The chase

The waiting

This game ends in despair

Just damaged

Battered and bruised

Toxic, abused

The ever falling pear

Catching whispers

Silently spoken reveals

Emotional tyrant

The jump

with no net between myself and the ground

The tragic run around

Building smoke riddled fires

From hopeless desires

All from the face of deceit

Fruits of our labors

Never paying off

Rotting away slowly under the burning sun

In the heat

consumed by this fire within

Without you

Always without you

I fall

I run, jump and fall

To a love

Desperation

To my death

No more

Nothing left after all

Digging Graves

I’ve been looking through blind eyes

trying to see what isn’t there

reaching out into the blackness

with these tired arms

trying to grab onto something solid

something real out of seemingly thin air

but there is nothing here

my bloody lips attempt to whisper

sweet nothings into the dark

but with no one there to hear them

there seems to be no point

I long for the light

in a world were I am surrounded by so much pain

healing is not an option

so this is where I fear I’ll stay

drowning in this darkness

filling up these heavy lungs

rotting on the inside

like poison on my tongue

dry eyes fill my memories

not a word left for me to say

digging my grave deeper

to hide beneath this dirt

to suffer until my heart stops

and these veins have bled themselves dry

no hope left to hold on to

I am much better off this way

Hesitation

my heart is hesitant

to move on to something new

it’s hard to trust the unknown

seemingly too good to be true

I’ve examined every angle

and memorized your words by heart

reading into every line you wrote me

never believing them from the start

maybe I’m being hasty

releasing negativity galore

or maybe I’m just used to being used

and nothing more

I’d like to believe in something

and I’d like him to show me how

but nothing seems to ring true in my heart

seems stinking fishy to me right now

hopefully I am just crazy

everything I think is wrong is really right

please prove to me you’re different

let this heavy heart and teary eye

once again believe in the fight

– LacieJay –

Love Lingers

Love lingers
On the tip of your tongue
The stench of it washing off slowly
Almost making it unbearable
To open your eyes

Love lingers
In your heart
In the holes in which it has burrowed
Life seeping out behind it
Oozing out of every orifice

Love lingers
On these hands that once held him
Under blue waters
Forgetting his touch
And reliving his kiss

And love lingers
In my guilt
It lingers in my blood
Stinging my heart with every pass by
Killing me slowly

And soon after,
will this love too, die

- LacieJay -