In my head

Somewhere along the line I gave up
I gave in
I created a room
That I could lock my head and heart in
I built up these walls with unbreakable stone
Knowing that self preservation meant being alone
Sitting here lonely, this love gathering dust
Drifting away in my tears
Surely becoming covered in rust
Hoping one day that these walls come crashing down
Before these fears hold me under
And I slowly drown

A dream within a dream

I am awake in this dream

once just a dream within a dream

now I can see

what before I couldn’t

I’ve seen but can’t un see

the things that have been hidden

hiding behind my eyes

they disguise themselves

no they hide in a disguise

 

to wake within a dream

unable to be what is to be

I have finally seen

what has always been meant

for me to see

I’ve felt the hand of hell

and it presses hot upon my skin

let me in he says,

let me in, now let me in

 

no longer dreaming while I sleep

for I awoke

from within this slumber

I was but a dreamer

and in that dream

I was but a number

Just the one who holds the truth

in that dream made up of lies

and I realize

my sleeping has grown weary

and my eyes have grown teary

but no longer do I fear

this dreamer behind these eyes

Stay Hidden

Up again go these walls,
engulfing what I hold dearest.
Hiding in the darkest,
deepest corner,
in hopes it’ll never be found.
I’ve grown comfortable in myself,
not with myself,
but in myself.
Hidden.
Hiding.
Buried deep under my layers.
Safe again.
Silence can’t come soon enough.
I’m done searching.
Finished waiting in line,
waiting my turn.
Stowing away everything I’m afraid to lose.

Everything I know you’d take, given the chance.

No more chances.

No more hoping,
longing for something.
For anything at all.
Contentions laid to rest.
In this blanket of flesh,
I build my walls up of stone.
A non penetrable force,
to guard my heart,
my life, my love, my everything…
My nothing at all.

Cloaked

Your shadow engulfs me like a cloak
Under which I can hide
From myself,
From the world,
From the truth of it all
Keeping me warm
Tucked under your wings
Holding me close despite everything
Lost in those words
That you speak so well
Falling asleep so calm
In the midst of a raging hell
Holding my hand tight
Despite your bitter touch
Keeping me safe
Keeping me in thought
Keeping me bound
In this place
In your arms
Under your cloak made of shadows