Playing God

I wish that I could erase time

I wouldn’t slow it down

nor reverse it

or even speed it up

just pick and choose

what to keep

and what to throw away

I wish that I could play God

with my own memories

I would doctor them up

so every recollection

was without you in it

no more constant reminders

of our broken past

I wish to clear this dirt away

from my rose colored glasses

to look past the lies

before my eyes

to tune out the words you speak

to forget that feel

of your arms around me

I wish to have more chances

with someone else

to remember things I loved

people I’ve missed

to look back at

everything I’ve missed out on

that seems so out of reach

I wish I didn’t have to wish

that you had been truthful

that you were true

I wish things had been perfect

that forever was in my grasp

I wish that you had seen

before the ending had come so fast

Waiting

So I sit here waiting

Waiting for the fall

on this lonely floor of hardwood

as I’m sifting through it all

Looking through the bullshit

Picking apart your lies

seeing beyond that make shift smile

Behind those pretty eyes

Waiting for damnation

To take me from your sins

You are the only battle

I know I could never win

Nor would I ever want to

So I will relive it all

for I know how my heart is

I will just keep waiting for the fall

Crash and Burn

You’ve said so many things

Yet have done so few

Never thought I would fall

For someone like you

But I’ve faltered

My heart’s been halted

Going nowhere fast

Better slow down before the crash

Still burning

Up in flames

Nothing left of it but fallen ash

But A Rope

Your words are but a rope

a means for you to pull me in

and you’ve done just that

again and again

and again…

Dangling me on a string

for the ugly world to see

in this simple instance

as I pretend to not be me

Your smile is but a knife

one that cuts clean through my flesh

that drains my bleeding heart

until there is nothing left

Forbidden Fruits

What is it with me

and forbidden fruits?

The chase

The waiting

This game ends in despair

Just damaged

Battered and bruised

Toxic, abused

The ever falling pear

Catching whispers

Silently spoken reveals

Emotional tyrant

The jump

with no net between myself and the ground

The tragic run around

Building smoke riddled fires

From hopeless desires

All from the face of deceit

Fruits of our labors

Never paying off

Rotting away slowly under the burning sun

In the heat

consumed by this fire within

Without you

Always without you

I fall

I run, jump and fall

To a love

Desperation

To my death

No more

Nothing left after all

Left Behind

There is nothing left of me, certainly nothing left for you

Losing sight of everything, those things that I once knew

Forgetting where my place is, leaving all of it behind

Letting hate consume everything of the nothing I am inside

Untitled

I am lost here without a light

in the darkness of this night

growing ill of all the wandering

but I won’t give up without a fight

 

Although my heart is surely stressing

from the constant inner pressing

sick to death of all my pondering

and my need for second guessing

 

Simple comforts I have no need for

this winding walk has made my feet sore

to reach an end is all I’m longing

struggling within my inner core

 

No shoes to walk down roads in

this gravel has worn my soles thin

the pain I am just prolonging

slowly wearing out my own skin

 

This chance that I am taking

seems to have been in the making

of a game I am forever losing

while my faith in this is breaking

 

Lost the endless losing battle

all of the useless prattle

this game was of your choosing

but my spirit you can’t rattle

 

So I’ll walk alone within this dark

on a journey only I can embark

rubbing sticks between my hands

until a subtle flame does spark

 

Only then will I again be found

after all the traversed ground

in the blackness of these lands

I will no longer be bound

Burn My Eyes Out

I burn my tormented eyes out

there’s nothing left I’d like to see

all these tragic love songs

all this empty agony

this pain that I’ve been handed

slowly and surely within me grows

I can no longer keep it hidden

it bleeds me out

every time I cry

it vaguely starts to show

light this gateway of mine on fire

and let the ashes singe my cheek

I no longer wish to exist here

in this selfish reality

where a lie is no more a lie

than it is the truth

my flames die out inside me

for I’ve grown too weak

Digging Graves

I’ve been looking through blind eyes

trying to see what isn’t there

reaching out into the blackness

with these tired arms

trying to grab onto something solid

something real out of seemingly thin air

but there is nothing here

my bloody lips attempt to whisper

sweet nothings into the dark

but with no one there to hear them

there seems to be no point

I long for the light

in a world were I am surrounded by so much pain

healing is not an option

so this is where I fear I’ll stay

drowning in this darkness

filling up these heavy lungs

rotting on the inside

like poison on my tongue

dry eyes fill my memories

not a word left for me to say

digging my grave deeper

to hide beneath this dirt

to suffer until my heart stops

and these veins have bled themselves dry

no hope left to hold on to

I am much better off this way