inspirational – Thoughts of a Wandering Heart

I Am A Statistic

April 28, 2013

An estimated 60 percent of teen girls’ first pregnancies are preceded by experiences of molestation, rape, or attempted rape. In one study, between 30 and 44 percent of teen mothers were victims of rape or attempted rape. Up to 20 percent of girls become pregnant as the direct result of rape. Source
In the United States, one of every ten births involves a teen mother. Source
The children of addicts are 8 times more likely to develop an addiction. Source
Losing a parent to suicide makes children more likely to die by suicide themselves and increases their risk of developing a range of major psychiatric disorders, according to a study led by Johns Hopkins Children’s Center that is believed to be the largest one to date on the subject. Source
On average, a woman will leave an abusive relationship seven times before she leaves for good. Source

I am a statistic.

I can be categorized.

These things have made me what I am.

Today…

I am broken,

Shattered even.

I am missing pieces of myself.

I have lost control a time or two,

Maybe more times than that.

I have pushed away anything

Everything

That looked promising

That was good for me.

Out of fear,

Out of love.

I have been consumed

By my demons.

I have given up

More times than I can count.

I have Lied,

Cried,

Tried to move further down the road.

Sabotaged myself

Over and over again.

Picked myself up

After falling.

Dried myself off

After drowning.

Took a new breath

After suffocating myself.

I am a statistic.

My chances of making it past my past were slim.

Memories of it still haunt me.

Taunt me.

Fuck with my head.

BUT…

I am resilient.

I am stronger than I thought I was.

I am still here,

When statistics said I could’ve been dead.

I still live.

I still try to love.

I am holding onto hope

And wishes that may never come true.

I will still wish

And hope

And dream.

If dreaming is all that I have.

I am still lost,

But I am searching.

And someday,

When I find the right path,

I will find my way.

I am a statistic,

That made it to see another day…

Take A Fall

March 1, 2012

Take a walk or take a fall,

that is my choice to make.

But in the end I’ve been through it all,

and for this I will not break.

I’m stronger than this and I know it,

moving on is a must.

Even if I don’t show it,

to this, even I can adjust.

Anger has almost consumed me,

It’s time to let love back in.

Happy as I can possibly be,

give in to my heart once again.

I will go blindly into this night, into the dark. I shall not fear the unknown, but embrace it with open arms. To search for the little bits of light that have been riddled throughout, hidden in the darkness. I know it does exist, it must, it just has to be sought out, and seek it I shall. With as much faith as I can muster up, I will be vigilant in my search. Through the dank, tortuous roads, not guided by light posts, but by the light of the moon. The air so thick I must claw my way through. Sifting the mist through my fingers. The dark can be overwhelming at times, but hold on I must. Keeping my head up as I walk this darkened path. For I know that the light at the end will be brilliant, and I will finally have found what I have been searching for. So fearlessly I march, to the end, to reach the beginning again.