Burning Me Down

I lit this match

I deserve to burn
every single broken inch
So let this fire inside me rage
Let it run rampant like a wildfire
Let it pull in the innocence and waste it like a drug
Let it burn until I’m ashes
Until this heart has stopped beating
I fueled this fire
I set myself a blaze
Orange flames rise up to engulf me
The heat swallows me whole
My lungs cry out in silence
These lips no longer speak words
Uttering such madness
Keep your water pails at bay
Please just let this fire burn me into the ground

Everything

You are the sound of my heart beat
And the taste that lingers on my tongue
You are the silence in a crowded room

You are the crack in my voice
And the breath on my bathroom mirror
You are the water that cleanses me

You are the condensation on my window
And the daisy in my front yard
You are the flight in birds

You are the smile on my face
And the hurt in my chest
You are the confusion in my head

You are everything

Hanging On

My mind is shaky
I’m hanging over a cliff
Trying my best to hold onto the crumbling wall
Just dangling in the breeze
Hoping that the gentlest of winds doesn’t blow me over the edge
But I am fragile
Even more cracked than these broken rocks I grip tight to
Digging my nails into the dirt
Scratching at my death
Wondering for what or whom am I still holding on for
Letting go slowly
I lift my fingers one by one
Loosening my grip on my shattered dreams
I crumble and come crashing down to the bottom of the pit
Forgetting for a second
Just my lonely moment
All that was ever meant to be

Tonight I Shut The World Out

Tonight i shut the world out
No more texts or calls
No more defending my reasons
Im shutting out them all
I need some peace and quiet
I have to sit and think
So many things burden my mind
That im teetering on the brink
Im falling into madness
Sinking in the sand so deep
Ive really gotten into something
This thing is keeping me from sleep
So until ive got the answers
And this confusion figured out
I will sit alone and ponder
Of who i can and cannot live without

My Lessons

Everyday I live, I learn
Be the lesson big or small
But take them in I will
I will try to understand them all
Life has taught me things
That can’t be learned in any book
Things that before I stopped to listen
Usually I would overlook
Not appreciating the haves
When the have nots kept piling in
Always throwing down my cards
Before I even had a chance to win
Always taking the bad news
Before I’d hear the good
I wish I had stopped to listen sooner
If only I knew I could
Never knowing where I was headed
Kept me fearful, in my place
But life has begun to move me
From my normal darkened space
And show me things
That at one time I didn’t know
Now that I finally get it
I can finally grow
I can leave the past behind me
In a trail of rustled dust
And never look back at that that used to haunt me
Now focusing on tomorrow is a must

Fears

I am afraid to lose those that I love
So I stopped feeling love
I am afraid of getting to close
So I keep my distance
I fear death
So I never really live
I fear the unknown
So I never believe
I hate living this lie
So I sugar coat my own truth
I hate my truth
So I keep living my fucking lie
I am afraid of my own fears
So I close my eyes and hide

Love In Death

She lies there and listens to the foot steps getting closer.  There’s a sudden flash of darkness underneath the doorway.  Frightened and alone she crawls under her bed.  The sound of his boots on the hardwood get closer, louder.  They sound so close the fear begins to sink in under her skin.  The door opens ever so slowly, without a sound.  She watches from under the bed as he walks around it.  She is silent.  Holding her breath with all of her strength, knowing that if he finds her it will be her last.  He doesn’t stay long, continuing his search down the hall in her brother’s room.

She listens.  Waiting until the sound of each step gets further away. Breathing out, she catches a scream before it makes it past her lips.  Crawling out from under that mattress she has a plan.
Her window is open a crack, so she crawls quietly over to the sill and pulls her shaken body up.  As she peers out through the glass, something catches her eye. Unsteadily she turns around gripping tightly to the window sill to find the man standing in her doorway.  He dashes across the room as she tries to climb out the window.  When all of a sudden the room goes black.

A feeling of cold washes over her, opening her eyes to nothing but darkness.  The air is thick and pungent.  The smell of death is in the vicinity but without a light to see, there is no telling what direction it is coming from.  She tries to move but her hands are bound.  Is this it?  Is this the end for her?  She begins to kick furiously, hoping someone will hear her.  What was that sound? Her heart starts pumping at the sound of footsteps.  The light comes on and her eyes close.  It is so bright that it stings.  She reopens them slowly letting them adjust to the light so she can see who is there.

A shadowy figure covers her like an umbrella blocking out the sun.  All she can see is the fire in his eyes, and she knows now that this is her hell.  He bends down over her, his face still enveloped by his shadow.  Reaching out he touches her face with rough gritty hands.  The smell of dirt and rusted metal on his fingertips.  Horrified, she turns her head away.  His gentle touch quickly turns into anger as he grabs her face with his ogre like hand and pulls her up within an inch of his.  She closed her eyes once more.  His fiery breath warming her neck, and the sickly sweet smell coming out of his mouth made her gag.

The smell of infection riddled her sinuses, throwing her off guard.  He drops her back to the floor.  As she hits she rolls onto her side.  Her view no longer blocked from the light, she can see everything in the room.  Bodies of young girls strewn across the floor, naked and bloodied.  A lifeless vision of what is to be her future as well.  The man laughs at her as if this is all a big joke.  She wasn’t amused, she was scared half to death.  By the looks of it she wasn’t far from it either.  He grabs her feet and drags her through the bodies. She screams as she bumps into each young tortured woman.  Never had she imagined things like this existed, such a naive girl.  He takes her into an empty room, well empty besides a lamp and a single hook hanging from the ceiling.  He forces her to undress, she’s resistant all the way through.  He hits her, knocking her to the ground.  Grabs her by her ankles and wraps a rope snugly around them.

Lifting her up, he places her ankles up onto the hook and left her hanging upside down.  At this point her tears have stopped flowing and her hopes are forgotten.  She knows the inevitability of the situation so she doesn’t fight it.  The man pulls out his knife and grazes her bare skin with it.  Teasing her  and taunting her.  She’s ready, she’s never been more ready for anything in her life.  Relief flows over her as he makes his first slice.  Slowly and precise he cuts under her left breast.  Using her blood like finger paints to draw hearts on her stomach.  He holds her hand while he makes his next cut, as if they were in it together.

They were in it together, in a sense.  This moment was theirs and no one elses.  A memorable one at that.  Her complexion fades but her heart still beats.  Not for much longer though, her time is almost here.  This is usually his favorite part, watching the life fade from their eyes, but hers doesn’t fade.  Her eyes are brighter and more lovely than ever.  She is ready for this.  Gripping onto his hand as if forever was seconds away, she whispers goodbye.  He kisses her cheek  and whispers it back.  He gracefully places the blade against her neck and slides it across.  The blood flows down her chin and over her lips and she had never been as beautiful as in this moment.