Rabbit Hole

And I’ve stepped backwards again

Slipped back into the rabbit hole

Down into a swirling abyss of nothingness

I’ve tried to fight my way out of the dark

But the blackness overwhelms

Consuming me piece by piece

Bit by bit

Until all that I’m left with is rot

Eating me up from within

lights out

There is no light when the love’s gone

There are no better days or open doors

It’s like walking through fields of water overflowing

Each step you slip deeper

Every minute brings you closer to the edge

An abyss awaits to suck you in and bring you down

It’s there to remind you of everything you’ve loved and lost

To convince you that nothing matters because all of the shit that used to, left you behind

Waiting in the distance hoping to watch you cave in

Under the weight of it all

To drown in the very tears that held memories as they slid down your cheek

It’s dark when the light is off

And cold when the love runs out

Some days I’m full of fire

Like embers dancing with the wind

A full on wildfire

Burning bridges at both ends

On others I fall fast like ashes

Just a burnt out speck spread amongst the filth

Burying myself alive

Underneath my own guilt

Lost

I keep looking over my shoulder
Hoping there’s someone out there searching for me with lantern in hand and a kind heart
I’ve hidden behind these shadows for so long that I’ve lost myself in the dark
I’ve absorbed it through my skin the way I should the sun
Darkness surrounds me and I desperately seek the way out
Can’t someone come save me

Just a Simple Soundtrack

I haven’t done a Just a Simple Soundtrack post in 4 years. My gosh, what is wrong with me? I’m going to start doing them again. These posts are both fun and soothing for me, and you just may get to hear some music that is new to you. Sounds like a win-win to me.

Anyways, lately I’ve been lost. Just kinda drifting through life without any rhyme or reason. I’ve been distant from everyone who doesn’t reside with me. My family moved to Tennessee a year ago and while I love it out here in the country, it gets very lonely. I’ve always struggled with depression and being alone most of the day really makes it worse. My anxiety has become almost unbearable at times. The anxiety feeds on my depression, which in turn feeds my anxiety even more. I’m stuck on a vicious circle inside this tiny bubble of mine. It really sucks and sometimes I just want to wash away down my shower drain. I’ve secluded myself from friends and family. Sometimes all I need is for someone to save me from myself.

 

This song is Drown and it’s by a band called Bring Me The Horizon.  I can relate to a lot of their lyrics, but this one hits me the hardest lately. Enjoy.

 

Wandering

Sometimes I find myself wandering
Lost somewhere between my memories of now and then
Getting stuck in the nether of false remembrance
Falling back in and out of love again with the thoughts of you
Of us
I drift off course at the sounds of whispers
I swear they sound just like you
I can’t let them let me stray any further from the truth
Shake it off and turn back before I’m in too deep
Before I’m swallowed whole in the abyss
Even after safety has found me
I find myself wandering
Back to those thoughts of you

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Anchor

When you feel like you’ve gone adrift
like you’re a ship lost at sea
and you’re destination is unclear
due to rocky waters
Call me so I can drop my anchor beside you
And we will ride out the storm together
I will be your compass until your tide comes in

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Waters

As the waters rise
I am swept away
Forced beneath the surface
I try to reach for safety
But the waves continue to crash
And they bring me back down
Forcing me to face this ugly truth
Stealing my last breath

Memories of You

These arduous memories of you linger like stagnant smoke in a chilly room
I try to break through them,
breathing warm words into the air but they remain
They’ve stamped themselves onto my heart the way nicotine stains the teeth
Your corruption flows through my veins changing me into something bitter, something rotten
Only I hold the antidote, but it’s lost, tangled within the roots you planted deep inside the nether that is my mind.
I’m just not sure I’m quite strong enough yet to cut this poison out, so I continue to let it steep.