I keep looking over my shoulder
Hoping there’s someone out there searching for me with lantern in hand and a kind heart
I’ve hidden behind these shadows for so long that I’ve lost myself in the dark
I’ve absorbed it through my skin the way I should the sun
Darkness surrounds me and I desperately seek the way out
Can’t someone come save me
I haven’t done a Just a Simple Soundtrack post in 4 years. My gosh, what is wrong with me? I’m going to start doing them again. These posts are both fun and soothing for me, and you just may get to hear some music that is new to you. Sounds like a win-win to me.
Anyways, lately I’ve been lost. Just kinda drifting through life without any rhyme or reason. I’ve been distant from everyone who doesn’t reside with me. My family moved to Tennessee a year ago and while I love it out here in the country, it gets very lonely. I’ve always struggled with depression and being alone most of the day really makes it worse. My anxiety has become almost unbearable at times. The anxiety feeds on my depression, which in turn feeds my anxiety even more. I’m stuck on a vicious circle inside this tiny bubble of mine. It really sucks and sometimes I just want to wash away down my shower drain. I’ve secluded myself from friends and family. Sometimes all I need is for someone to save me from myself.
This song is Drown and it’s by a band called Bring Me The Horizon. I can relate to a lot of their lyrics, but this one hits me the hardest lately. Enjoy.
Sometimes I find myself wandering
Lost somewhere between my memories of now and then
Getting stuck in the nether of false remembrance
Falling back in and out of love again with the thoughts of you
Of us
I drift off course at the sounds of whispers
I swear they sound just like you
I can’t let them let me stray any further from the truth
Shake it off and turn back before I’m in too deep
Before I’m swallowed whole in the abyss
Even after safety has found me
I find myself wandering
Back to those thoughts of you
When you feel like you’ve gone adrift
like you’re a ship lost at sea
and you’re destination is unclear
due to rocky waters
Call me so I can drop my anchor beside you
And we will ride out the storm together
I will be your compass until your tide comes in
As the waters rise
I am swept away
Forced beneath the surface
I try to reach for safety
But the waves continue to crash
And they bring me back down
Forcing me to face this ugly truth
Stealing my last breath
These arduous memories of you linger like stagnant smoke in a chilly room
I try to break through them,
breathing warm words into the air but they remain
They’ve stamped themselves onto my heart the way nicotine stains the teeth
Your corruption flows through my veins changing me into something bitter, something rotten
Only I hold the antidote, but it’s lost, tangled within the roots you planted deep inside the nether that is my mind.
I’m just not sure I’m quite strong enough yet to cut this poison out, so I continue to let it steep.
I feel like I’m treading water
And the harder I fight the current
The faster the waves pull me under
Every time I take a breath
My lungs fill and I fall deeper
The surface is but a glimpse of what could have been
What should’ve been
What will never be
I can feel the sand flow through my fingers now
As the darkness starts to sway
To and fro before my burning eyes
As the last tiny bubble of air escapes my throat
I manage to release a whisper
Nothing left to say but a sweet goodbye…
She’s lost
and afraid that the sun won’t come up tomorrow
the darkness was so quiet and calm
that she fell deeper into the void
and lost herself somewhere on the way down
She’s tired
and afraid that her legs are too weak to keep moving
blinding herself
trying to keep her eyes open
even though blackened walls are all that surround her
She’s lonely
and afraid that there aren’t enough words in the world to fix her
that the quiet she so desperately needed
will be all the company she can keep
As I stare into the black hole, I fall deeper
Farther into the abyss
Into the nether, the nothingness
I crawl aimlessly inside the darkness
While I struggle with my own sins
Fearful of a messy battle, a losing fight
But still I’m hopeful, that I’ll find a hidden light
I am lost so deep in the dark that no amount of light could bring me home. No amount of faith could bring me peace. No amount of love could overcome this hate that builds inside of me. So lost that this path takes me in circles. It’s like playing a horror movie on an unending repeat. Torturing me over and over and over. I’m dying on the inside, despite the smile that graces my face. I am almost content hiding inside this never-ending darkness. I feel whole inside this unhappy place.
