Treading Water

I feel like I’m treading water

And the harder I fight the current
The faster the waves pull me under
Every time I take a breath
My lungs fill and I fall deeper
The surface is but a glimpse of what could have been
What should’ve been
What will never be

I can feel the sand flow through my fingers now
As the darkness starts to sway
To and fro before my burning eyes
As the last tiny bubble of air escapes my throat
I manage to release a whisper
Nothing left to say but a sweet goodbye…

She’s Afraid

She’s lost

and afraid that the sun won’t come up tomorrow

the darkness was so quiet and calm

that she fell deeper into the void

and lost herself somewhere on the way down

She’s tired

and afraid that her legs are too weak to keep moving

blinding herself

trying to keep her eyes open

even though blackened walls are all that surround her

She’s lonely

and afraid that there aren’t enough words in the world to fix her

that the quiet she so desperately needed

will be all the company she can keep

Abyss

As I stare into the black hole, I fall deeper
Farther into the abyss
Into the nether, the nothingness

I crawl aimlessly inside the darkness

While I struggle with my own sins
Fearful of a messy battle, a losing fight
But still I’m hopeful, that I’ll find a hidden light

In need of the brightest lantern

I am lost so deep in the dark that no amount of light could bring me home. No amount of faith could bring me peace. No amount of love could overcome this hate that builds inside of me. So lost that this path takes me in circles. It’s like playing a horror movie on an unending repeat. Torturing me over and over and over. I’m dying on the inside, despite the smile that graces my face. I am almost content hiding inside this never-ending darkness. I feel whole inside this unhappy place.

Head Beats

Tonight, my head beats
Louder than my heart
Slowing, silently giving up
So many wasted moments
Too many tragically lost years
So tomorrow, I give up again
Giving in to all my fears
My broken hopes
And diminished dreams
I let go of faith
As it remains unseen
But for tonight,
My head beats
Louder than my heart

Mirror

There’s a ghost in the mirror
Someone you may not see
But she’s there every time I look
Staring back at me
An empty image
Hiding behind the looking glass
A darkened glimmer of an afterthought
A memory that has passed
The light within her dims
And the darkness begins to grow
As the ghost inside the mirror fades
My reflection starts to show

Hanging On

My mind is shaky
I’m hanging over a cliff
Trying my best to hold onto the crumbling wall
Just dangling in the breeze
Hoping that the gentlest of winds doesn’t blow me over the edge
But I am fragile
Even more cracked than these broken rocks I grip tight to
Digging my nails into the dirt
Scratching at my death
Wondering for what or whom am I still holding on for
Letting go slowly
I lift my fingers one by one
Loosening my grip on my shattered dreams
I crumble and come crashing down to the bottom of the pit
Forgetting for a second
Just my lonely moment
All that was ever meant to be

Map

I have looked
And I have tried to find
All that there is to see
But searching places
On a map not found
Are proving difficult for me
I can seek
But never find
Things that are not meant to be
So try as I might
Without hope on hand
To break this door without a key
Only breaking faith
Like the breaking waves
Of a vaste and dirty sea
Lost beneath the sand
In the sea unseen
Just a lonely remnant of what once was me

Loss of words

I absolutely hate when the perfect combination of words pops up in your head in the most inconvenient of times. I was in the bathroom, starting to wash my face, and I thought of the prefect line for a poem. I thought to myself that I would remember it when I got out, but I didn’t. I know it was great, and it pisses me off that I lost it. I hope it comes back to me in thought tonight as I sleep and I am able to remember it in the morning. I really hate when a thought evades me like that. Like I am expected to stop the world around me in order to write something down. What nonsense is that?  Oh well, here’s hoping it comes back to me…

In my veins

I hate that the one I truly love 

cannot be around

I hate that this touch is toxic

and to that poison I am bound

I hate that this love has gone sour

like milk left out of the fridge

I hate how your love compels me

to leap blinded over a bridge

I hate how all this time has disappeared

and yet this love still shows

I hate how this love still exists

but mostly that every day it still grows