Treading Water

I feel like I’m treading water

And the harder I fight the current
The faster the waves pull me under
Every time I take a breath
My lungs fill and I fall deeper
The surface is but a glimpse of what could have been
What should’ve been
What will never be

I can feel the sand flow through my fingers now
As the darkness starts to sway
To and fro before my burning eyes
As the last tiny bubble of air escapes my throat
I manage to release a whisper
Nothing left to say but a sweet goodbye…

Caged In

This cage that holds me isn’t  made of steel

It’s not made with cement or wood
It isn’t held closed with locks or welded doors
These bars I’m held behind are invisible to you by design
I stepped into this cell willingly
I built these walls up high
With intentions, not bricks
I built these walls tight
With love, not glue
I don’t know anymore if this is life or punishment
I keep myself captive
Under lock and key
This cage that holds me is the only thing that keeps my feet off the ground
It keeps me swinging in the wind
Not knowing which way I should be going
This cage keeps me miles from freedom
But someday I will let myself go
So I can set myself free

Left Me

You left me bleeding
Standing naked in the street
Crying out for you
Bearing my soul to all who could see
I stood there broken
Unable to make a move
Unable to open my eyes
Afraid that the rain had washed you away
Afraid that you had disappeared
Right before my eyes
But you remain here
Tormenting my heart still
Breaking what little is left of my free will

Everything

You are the sound of my heart beat
And the taste that lingers on my tongue
You are the silence in a crowded room

You are the crack in my voice
And the breath on my bathroom mirror
You are the water that cleanses me

You are the condensation on my window
And the daisy in my front yard
You are the flight in birds

You are the smile on my face
And the hurt in my chest
You are the confusion in my head

You are everything

So many times before

And the demon came a calling
Like so many times before
He tried to pull me under
He tried to hold me down
But this time was different
This time I stood my ground
I stared into his eyes
Felt his fire burn hot upon my skin
But this time I was stronger
I refused to let him in
The demon came a calling
Like so many times before
But this time I saw him coming
And my soul I would not give
I won’t give up that easy
I will never let him win
I will fight until the end
When there’s no more life for me to live

In my head

Somewhere along the line I gave up
I gave in
I created a room
That I could lock my head and heart in
I built up these walls with unbreakable stone
Knowing that self preservation meant being alone
Sitting here lonely, this love gathering dust
Drifting away in my tears
Surely becoming covered in rust
Hoping one day that these walls come crashing down
Before these fears hold me under
And I slowly drown