There is no light when the love’s gone
There are no better days or open doors
It’s like walking through fields of water overflowing
Each step you slip deeper
Every minute brings you closer to the edge
An abyss awaits to suck you in and bring you down
It’s there to remind you of everything you’ve loved and lost
To convince you that nothing matters because all of the shit that used to, left you behind
Waiting in the distance hoping to watch you cave in
Under the weight of it all
To drown in the very tears that held memories as they slid down your cheek
It’s dark when the light is off
And cold when the love runs out
I’m a fool
I fool myself into believing in people and love and lies
I fool myself into thinking this time will be different
This one will be different
That I’ll be different
I fool myself into listening to people and bullshit and lies
I fool myself into believing that the grass can be greener on the other side of the fence
Only to realize that I am that which creates the poison
That which grows the toxic roots that spread amongst everything I touch
I am a fool
I’ve been fooled into believing in people and lies and myself
I need someone who isn’t afraid to look into my eyes and get swallowed whole by the darkness
Someone who knows what lurks inside my shadows and doesn’t run from it
Instead taunts it to come out and play
I need to know that you’re willing to brave Hell with me
To feel your heart blister and your flesh ignite in my hand
I need someone who can endure the heat and allow themselves to be fully engulfed in my flames
Someone who isn’t rattled by promises of bittersweet agony
Instead succumbs and embraces it
I need to feel your heart flicker and catch fire
To feel you reduce to ashes and be wind swept through my fingers
I will dig deep beneath your surface
Slither through your veins
And infect your heart
You will love me
I will claw my way inside you
Crawl into your mind
And infest your thoughts
You will remember me
Sometimes I find myself wandering
Lost somewhere between my memories of now and then
Getting stuck in the nether of false remembrance
Falling back in and out of love again with the thoughts of you
I drift off course at the sounds of whispers
I swear they sound just like you
I can’t let them let me stray any further from the truth
Shake it off and turn back before I’m in too deep
Before I’m swallowed whole in the abyss
Even after safety has found me
I find myself wandering
Back to those thoughts of you
There was this warmth in your eyes that could keep me wrapped up tight for hours.
And there was this fire on your tongue that lit brighter with every word you whispered to me.
I let you in and I even stoked your flames, as I loved to watch you grow.
But I wore this heart on my sleeves like I was made of paper.
When your blaze became uncontrollable it was too late to out run your embers.
There was this fire that caught hold and engulfed me, consuming every inch.
But even after the inferno had died down
and ash was all that was left of me, I still wanted you to keep me warm.
These arduous memories of you linger like stagnant smoke in a chilly room
I try to break through them,
breathing warm words into the air but they remain
They’ve stamped themselves onto my heart the way nicotine stains the teeth
Your corruption flows through my veins changing me into something bitter, something rotten
Only I hold the antidote, but it’s lost, tangled within the roots you planted deep inside the nether that is my mind.
I’m just not sure I’m quite strong enough yet to cut this poison out, so I continue to let it steep.