My demons keep on coming
They just keep knocking at my door
I try to turn them away
But they’ve been here before
They want to play with my frailty
To claw their way into my head
I tried to turn them away
But, I’ve let them in instead
I’m just feeling down
Like a seed of sadness buried deep beneath the soil
I know I need to grow roots of hope for a future
But I’m here drowning
In the outpouring of love
Thinking I’m undeserving
Believing there’s nothing here to show
Like a stunted flower
Nothing left of me to grow
I reach for things I’m unsure I’m deserving of
And that’s when I stumble and fall
I long for a connection with someone
Possibly any one at all
I feel like I am drifting off into the distance
Losing touch with the things that anchor me to shore
Losing faith in those around me
Knowing I need something more
This sadness covers me like a thick fog
I can feel it sticking to my skin
Enshrined by my inner darkness set free
Whispering secrets in my own ear
As I’m the only one who’s listening
A tragedy written in blood
Bleeding through the fabric laid over my eyes
As my tears fall steadily
Washing away remnants of happy thoughts
It pulls me in deeper
Every time I try to push away
Back and forth my thoughts go
Like a game of tug of war with myself
I’ve let myself walk into the madness
Heavy in my heart
Light on my feet
Engulfed in my own chaos
Like a dark cloud wrapped around me
Injecting my fears onto people
Distancing myself from their warmth
Slipping back into this somber reality
Scalding water washing over me
With bare breasts and flushed skin
Hoping for pain unbearable
Needing to feel something real
Trying so hard to wash away my sadness
But I just can’t scrub hard enough
Can’t clean myself deep enough
The rot has buried it’s roots inside me
Growing slowly, thriving on my anger
Corrupting every last bit of me
Leaving dread in corners long neglected
Like an infection that spreads without care
Not repulsed by hatred and burnt flesh
It hungers for more, so I push it deeper
I cry out louder, someone hear me
But my screams are silenced
By walls I built around my lungs
Strangled by my tortured hands
Fighting back against myself
In this losing battle of dark and light
I stand here quietly as death lingers on my tongue
Your words are your brush
And I am your canvas
You make sweeping motions
And cut me open
Pressing hard
Cutting deeper
My words bleed red
Stained paper
Freshly gouged flesh
In the shapes and sounds
Of your animosity
Beg of me your muse
Skin deep
Paper thin
Slices of ice cold hearts
Blended a dark purple
But I like the hurt
So paint me with your insanity
Dripped tastelessly in agony
And hang me out to dry
You use your words like sticks and stones
Attempting to beat me into submission
Screaming into my ears like bullhorns
Trying to force me to listen
But this anger in my body keeps on building
And my temperature continues to rise
This hatred has grown heavy in my heart
And this fire still burns in my eyes
I won’t let you try to break me
There’s nothing you can do or say
I’m not here on this Earth for your taking
And I refuse to be treated that way
So I’ll consume your abuse like a fuel
And let this shell fucking burn to the ground
When the smoke clears and ash settles
I’ll be the only one left standing,
While you’re nowhere to be found
