Like the only tree left standing after a wildfire has swept through the forest, I stand alone.
My broken limbs and charred branches extend, despite the fire that consumes me.
The flames run through me, rushing like blood away from this beating heart.
Ashes line the forest floor, leaving nothing but trails of hurt behind me.
This fire has stolen the oxygen straight out of my lungs and ripped the words from my throat.
Lifeless and broken, I continue to stand tall.
I dig my roots deeper into the dirt, holding on for dear life .
These words drag me under
While my thoughts help hold me down
Finger steadfast on the trigger
Staring down the barrel of my gun
I’m holding myself hostage
Chained to my memories
I can’t outrun these bullets
When hate is all I see
I creak like rotted floor boards in a hundred year old house. And these splinters have buried themselves deep within my flesh pushing further with every single step. My bones cracking beneath the weight of this demon that has hitched a ride on my back.
Casting shadows so far in front of me that I have to look back to see the light. I break like stained glass cathedral windows in the hands of the unfaithful. Shattered, scattered in my hands and in my heart. My blood the color of rust from years of stagnant tears overflow. Drowning in dust and cobwebs built up over time. Losing all my memories, like a picture in a broken frame. I crackle with ruby embers popping in the night. Turning to ash after all of my walls go up in flames. Just remnants of a foundation hollowed out by hate.
I’m built up on lies and pain and hurt. Sometimes I just want to cry out, but there’s never anyone there to hear me. This life I live is not my own. It owns me and I owe it everything. These are the thoughts I’m chained to, these are the truths that sustain me.
Standing there, hot water beating hard against my chest. Everything is quiet, I’ve tuned everything else out. Im trapped inside myself, trapped inside my head. Wondering how hot it’d have to be for me to just melt and be washed away with the suds. Wondering if anyone would even notice I was gone.
I let my disappointment build up until it overflows onto everything I hold dear
It stifles my heart to the point that my words no longer mean anything
I’m quiet and timid and offputting
I am a great distance from not only those that I care about but also myself
I can’t remember the last time I smiled a real smile
I’m worried that no future is going to be any better than my past or my present
My light is dimming and I’m losing myself in this dark hole that I crawled into
I’m lost and this ever growing anger is pushing me farther into the abyss
I am losing grip again
starting to slip again
I trip over my words
over and under
under and over
my thoughts flow
like water through a sieve
I am but a blip
in the radar
just a ship amongst the sea
and I am losing grip again
starting to slip again
beginning to tear again
to rip apart my seams
my lips say nothing
until I am stripped of everything