Shhh…

I am my biggest secret

you will never know who I am

You will never hold all the answers

within the palm of your broken hand

 

broken smiles on fake ass faces

like the one I used to show

the face of all those people

that I thought I used to know

 

truths you could never fathom

lies you’ve always feared were true

stories I sold as memories

ones I never really knew

 

Hiding inside the shadows

trusting the light to never show

but in the darkness

my lies will only grow

 

Go ahead and try

figure me out, you will not

because everything I am 

is everything that I’ve got

 

And…

 

I am my biggest secret

You can never know who I am

none of my broken answers

will fit perfectly in your hands

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The Move

I often sit and ponder on how my life would be

if I didn’t move, if I lived my life for me

But I can’t afford to think like that

I’ve got little ones to think of first

As many wrong decisions I have made

leaving everything behind is the one that hurts

Would it have been so selfish to think of only me 

before I thought of the children

After all moving was never my option

it was predetermined and I wasn’t consulted

Tossed in my lap, and told I was wrong if I didn’t go

Told I was no kind of mother if I decided no

So here I am, left everything of mine back home

gone for only god knows how long, no one else knows

This much unhappiness and misery can’t be good for me

I know it’s not healthy either for my kids to see

And try as I might to fight it, it always seems to win

so in turn I try to hide it, until it pops back up again

I hate where my life is, and I hate having no one around

I hate the feeling that knowing how bad this hurts me

none of my friends seek me, so I will never be found

Lost inside this little corner I hide within my head

afraid if I don’t decompress 

and climb out of this hole I have dug

that I will hide in here until I am dead

Destined to be someone other than myself for how long?

I have no idea about anything anymore

I did what I was told was right

I came here so far from home, 

without so much as a fight

Maybe that was my problem

maybe I should never have allowed you to go

I should have stayed and fought, I may have lost the fight

but I may have kept my sanity

I may never have dug deeper inside my wretched skull

hiding all these feelings of hate and disgust

But I guess I may never know…

everything inside me

I won’t pretend my life is perfect

or that I want to stand and fight

I can’t pretend to know where I am headed

whether it be wrong or it be right

The shadows hold all my secrets

as I whisper them into the dark

My fires have burnt out

leaving not even one lonely spark

Hiding in the corner of this darkness

telling myself it won’t be long

before I leave this angry place

I can’t cut it here, I am not that strong

To find my place within the shadows

where I can comfortably hide

Leaving everyone behind me

as everything inside me dies

Baby Blues

I know that look you give me,

I know your smile is fake

When will you stop giving

how much more will she take

my friend please understand me

I tell you this with love

You’re too good for her

you don’t need her

because…

 

I look into those baby blues

and I melt on the inside

because I have a secret

and you don’t know

all these feelings that I hide

 

 

I can feel the pain you put off

and the tears you shed alone

I want so much to love you

when you are finally ready

you’ll be the first to know

but don’t worry until then i’ll be waiting

I know some day you’ll wake up

realizing how happy you could be

Because…

 

I look into those baby blues

and I melt on the inside

because I have a secret

and you don’t know

all these feelings that I hide

 

 

One day you will notice

one day you will finally see

all this time you’ve been searching

you were looked right past me

I could be your everything

I could be the one

I’ve been here this whole time

since your searching had begun

because…

 

When I look into your baby blues

and you smile back at me

I want to tell you everything

all these feelings that I hide

 

I’ll wait until I can finally say…

I knew one day you’d notice

it was me this whole damn time

took you long enough to realize

I wanted to make you mine

I’ve got everything she didn’t

anything you’ll ever need

so baby take a chance

I promise to give you what you need

because…

 

When I look into those baby blues,

and you stare back at mine

you know all my secrets

all the love I no longer need to hide

everything you ever wanted

was right here the whole time

Secrets That I Keep

The secrets that I keep
Are words I cannot say
Of these feelings in my heart

The tears that I cry
Running down my cheek
Hanging off my chin

My life in your hands
Trust with all I had
Gave you everything

Love cuts like a knife
Deep within my chest
Bleeding through and through

Sinking like a ship
The water rushing in
Life buried beneath the ocean

Nothing more
Forever more

~heart & soul~