I often sit and ponder on how my life would be
if I didn’t move, if I lived my life for me
But I can’t afford to think like that
I’ve got little ones to think of first
As many wrong decisions I have made
leaving everything behind is the one that hurts
Would it have been so selfish to think of only me
before I thought of the children
After all moving was never my option
it was predetermined and I wasn’t consulted
Tossed in my lap, and told I was wrong if I didn’t go
Told I was no kind of mother if I decided no
So here I am, left everything of mine back home
gone for only god knows how long, no one else knows
This much unhappiness and misery can’t be good for me
I know it’s not healthy either for my kids to see
And try as I might to fight it, it always seems to win
so in turn I try to hide it, until it pops back up again
I hate where my life is, and I hate having no one around
I hate the feeling that knowing how bad this hurts me
none of my friends seek me, so I will never be found
Lost inside this little corner I hide within my head
afraid if I don’t decompress
and climb out of this hole I have dug
that I will hide in here until I am dead
Destined to be someone other than myself for how long?
I have no idea about anything anymore
I did what I was told was right
I came here so far from home,
without so much as a fight
Maybe that was my problem
maybe I should never have allowed you to go
I should have stayed and fought, I may have lost the fight
but I may have kept my sanity
I may never have dug deeper inside my wretched skull
hiding all these feelings of hate and disgust
But I guess I may never know…
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