Her skin is cold like winter
Soft and icy to the touch
Her head is just like autumn
Ever changing as it falls
Her eyes are like spring showers
As her tears pour down like rain
But her heart is like the summer sun
Burning those who get too close
Her skin is cold like winter
Somewhere along the line I gave up
I gave in
I created a room
That I could lock my head and heart in
I built up these walls with unbreakable stone
Knowing that self preservation meant being alone
Sitting here lonely, this love gathering dust
Drifting away in my tears
Surely becoming covered in rust
Hoping one day that these walls come crashing down
Before these fears hold me under
And I slowly drown
- An estimated 60 percent of teen girls’ first pregnancies are preceded by experiences of molestation, rape, or attempted rape. In one study, between 30 and 44 percent of teen mothers were victims of rape or attempted rape. Up to 20 percent of girls become pregnant as the direct result of rape. Source
- In the United States, one of every ten births involves a teen mother. Source
- The children of addicts are 8 times more likely to develop an addiction. Source
- Losing a parent to suicide makes children more likely to die by suicide themselves and increases their risk of developing a range of major psychiatric disorders, according to a study led by Johns Hopkins Children’s Center that is believed to be the largest one to date on the subject. Source
- On average, a woman will leave an abusive relationship seven times before she leaves for good. Source
I am a statistic.
I can be categorized.
These things have made me what I am.
I am broken,
I am missing pieces of myself.
I have lost control a time or two,
Maybe more times than that.
I have pushed away anything
That looked promising
That was good for me.
Out of fear,
Out of love.
I have been consumed
By my demons.
I have given up
More times than I can count.
I have Lied,
Tried to move further down the road.
Over and over again.
Picked myself up
Dried myself off
Took a new breath
After suffocating myself.
I am a statistic.
My chances of making it past my past were slim.
Memories of it still haunt me.
Fuck with my head.
I am resilient.
I am stronger than I thought I was.
I am still here,
When statistics said I could’ve been dead.
I still live.
I still try to love.
I am holding onto hope
And wishes that may never come true.
I will still wish
If dreaming is all that I have.
I am still lost,
But I am searching.
When I find the right path,
I will find my way.
I am a statistic,
That made it to see another day…
And I’m falling in this instance
as these tears come pouring down
to wash away my worries
to dissipate my frown
but not even wishful thinking
can save me from myself
every corner of my mind
just keeps on torturing itself
I am sick of feeling completely useless
and this feeling like I don’t belong
I am tired of these misconceptions
of everything I seem to be doing wrong
I am so over caring for those people
who think they are too good for me
Keep treating me like an outsider
and when the time comes that is all I’ll ever be
Ones who are supposed to care forever
the ones who’s bonds started at birth
These are the ones who hurt you the most
when they constantly prove they surpass your worth
I do not need anymore of this shit
in my already over complicated life
I am walking away from all of this this time
never looking back on this constant strife
I will never be held up to your standards
and I may not be good at anything in your eyes
but I am way better than all of this shit
Someday I will be gone, maybe then you’ll realize
Those words you said to me
you never meant them from the start
And with those little words
you stole my loving heart
In tiny bits and pieces
now it lies still here broken
All this damage done
from simple words you’d spoken
And I could write a book
with all the lines you’ve given me
With just that one single look
I lost everything to you
I guess in the end losers never win
and I’ll keep losing over and over again
You seem so comfortable in your life
surrounded by all those pretty little lies
But I know all the truths that you don’t tell
I can see through those pretty little eyes
Contentions are laid to rest
from the lies that you have told
But they seep right through my hands
because your lies I will not hold
Even when it’s what you want from me
with your fallacies I will not contend
Your lies have grown to hurt me
so no longer will I be here to defend
As small as I may matter to you
you mean a hell of a lot to me
Everything I thought you were
is everything that I wanted to be
But as your lies overwhelm me
to you they are simple truths
What you put off as absolute
is full of all these sugary untruths
Someday I will be strong enough
walk away from it for once and for all
I will fight throughout the bullshit
and will continue to stand up tall.
Single lonely tear drop falls onto the floor
Remembering her past, she yearns for something more
Something deep inside her, starting to reappear
No longer holding onto those things that she did fear
Opens up her windows as she closes her broken door
Piecing together her heart that her inner battlefield had tore
In the end knowing she could finally be herself again
Would be what got her through
My last and only breath
will have to do me justice
I love you just isn’t enough
but I’m afraid I have to rush this
The time that I have left
more precious than one could know
not nearly enough chances
for my love to truly show
I hope you understand this
for I am still not sure
but they say any time now
that there isn’t any cure
Just know that after everything
my heart beats just for you
someday when we meet again
we can start this love anew
the time when I was little and I tried to wash my kitty in a big blue barrel, unfortunately, I was not big enough to get him back out of it. 😦
the time that April and I decided that we wanted kool-aid in the middle of the night, so we made every single packet in the house. We made a terrible mess of the kitchen. You were pissed when you came home from work.
the time that george and I were playing with matches and caught the wooded area next to our house on fire. In all fairness, we tried to put it out.
all the bad times we have had, but I forgive you.
how you were the one to help me get my permit.
how I felt that you weren’t there when I got married, even though I knew it was my fault. I really wanted you to be there. :*(
how when I went into labor with Aydan and I couldn’t get ahold of you how scared I was. I am so glad that you made it in time, and were there for me. I really needed you.
how mad you were that the nurses weren’t helping me with the pain, but how happy you were when you got to hold Aydan for the first time. And how annoyed you were when Adam caught you on video.
when you left us again shortly after Aydan was born, I worried everyday that I’d never see you again. I missed you so much back then.
the day that you came home to me clean and sober. I have never been more proud of anybody in my life. You proved to me that you wanted to fix things. You came home and had three beautiful grandchildren waiting for you.
how when we lived together, your ocd took complete control over the house. Everything had to be perfect, and it was. And how adam liked to moves things around just to see your reaction. that the only thing you watched on tv was your bible channel. But it made you happy, so I guess I’ll forgive you for that. 😛
when we got into the huge fight over Shayna and things were messy between us for awhile. I am really sorry for that. I overreacted. And I am sorry.
when grandpa died I was more worried about how you were feeling. He was your life, your everything. It hurt me so much to see how badly you were hurting. I wish there was something that I could have done for you. But I can’t raise the dead. Unfortunately.
the way that you took care of beanie so well. She loved being with you more than she did with me. I’m so glad that you were able to do that for her. She truly loved you and misses you so much. You wouldn’t believe how messed up I am right now, but she’s the one comforting me. You’d be so proud of her. She’s such a big girl.
how much you loved me, I never thought that you didn’t. I always knew how much you missed us when you were away.
that I made sure to tell you that I loved you so much, and I wanted you to be happy again. I guess it just wasn’t in the cards. You did what you did, and I truly hope that things are better for you. I like to believe that you are with grandpa and your life can start over. I wish you were here with me… I hate that you’re not here with me. I hate that we can’t have our early morning talks, I hate that I can’t call when I feel sad, I hate that I have to feel the same thing that you had to feel when grandpa died. I hate that in years beanie will only remember what I tell her about you. I miss you so much. I hope your in a good place where you don’t have to hurt or feel lonely anymore. I love you… I will always remember you… I hope you always remember me too…