In my head

Somewhere along the line I gave up
I gave in
I created a room
That I could lock my head and heart in
I built up these walls with unbreakable stone
Knowing that self preservation meant being alone
Sitting here lonely, this love gathering dust
Drifting away in my tears
Surely becoming covered in rust
Hoping one day that these walls come crashing down
Before these fears hold me under
And I slowly drown

I Am A Statistic

 

 

  • An estimated 60 percent of teen girls’ first pregnancies are preceded by experiences of molestation, rape, or attempted rape. In one study, between 30 and 44 percent of teen mothers were victims of rape or attempted rape. Up to 20 percent of girls become pregnant as the direct result of rape.  Source
  • In the United States, one of every ten births involves a teen mother.    Source
  • The children of addicts are 8 times more likely to develop an addiction.  Source
  • Losing a parent to suicide makes children more likely to die by suicide themselves and increases their risk of developing a range of major psychiatric disorders, according to a study led by Johns Hopkins Children’s Center that is believed to be the largest one to date on the subject.  Source
  • On average, a woman will leave an abusive relationship seven times before she leaves for good.  Source

 

I am a statistic.

I can be categorized.

These things have made me what I am.

Today…

I am broken,

Shattered even.

I am missing pieces of myself.

I have lost control a time or two,

Maybe more times than that.

I have pushed away anything

Everything

That looked promising

That was good for me.

Out of fear,

Out of love.

I have been consumed

By my demons.

I have given up

More times than I can count.

I have Lied,

Cried,

Tried to move further down the road.

Sabotaged myself

Over and over again.

Picked myself up

After falling.

Dried myself off

After drowning.

Took a new breath

After suffocating myself.

I am a statistic.

My chances of making it past my past were slim.

Memories of it still haunt me.

Taunt me.

Fuck with my head.

BUT…

I am resilient.

I am stronger than I thought I was.

I am still here,

When statistics said I could’ve been dead.

I still live.

I still try to love.

I am holding onto hope

And wishes that may never come true.

I will still wish

And hope

And dream.

If dreaming is all that I have.

I am still lost,

But I am searching.

And someday,

When I find the right path,

I will find my way.

I am a statistic,

That made it to see another day…

 

Someday You’ll Realize

I am sick of feeling completely useless

and this feeling like I don’t belong

I am tired of these misconceptions

of everything I seem to be doing wrong

I am so over caring for those people

who think they are too good for me

Keep treating me like an outsider

and when the time comes that is all I’ll ever be

Ones who are supposed to care forever

the ones who’s bonds started at birth

These are the ones who hurt you the most

when they constantly prove they surpass your worth

I do not need anymore of this shit

in my already over complicated life

I am walking away from all of this this time

never looking back on this constant strife

I will never be held up to your standards

and I may not be good at anything in your eyes

but I am way better than all of this shit

Someday I will be gone, maybe then you’ll realize

I Could Write A Book

Those words you said to me

you never meant them from the start

And with those little words

you stole my loving heart

In tiny bits and pieces

now it lies still here broken

All this damage done

from simple words you’d spoken

And I could write a book

with all the lines you’ve given me

With just that one single look

I lost everything to you

I guess in the end losers never win

and I’ll keep losing over and over again

Pretty Little Lies

You seem so comfortable in your life

surrounded by all those pretty little lies

But I know all the truths that you don’t tell

I can see through those pretty little eyes

 

Contentions are laid to rest

from the lies that you have told

But they seep right through my hands

because your lies I will not hold

 

Even when it’s what you want from me

with your fallacies I will not contend

Your lies have grown to hurt me

so no longer will I be here to defend

 

As small as I may matter to you

you mean a hell of a lot to me

Everything I thought you were

is everything that I wanted to be

 

But as your lies overwhelm me

to you they are simple truths

What you put off as absolute

is full of all these sugary untruths

 

Someday I will be strong enough

walk away from it for once and for all

I will fight throughout the bullshit

and will continue to stand up tall.