I walk out of the rubble
The falling dust still stinging my eyes
Ashes mark my face like war paint
My arms comfortably numb
From fighting my way through the wreckage
I walk away from the past
From yesterdays anger and sorrow
Bridges I lit up behind me
I watched burn to the ground
So I won’t recross them tomorrow
Old worlds left beneath me crumbling
Memories still aflame
Left to drown in the smoke
I walked out of the rubble
Live in the moment, you said
As I lie here dying
Say what you must, you said
So with my last breath
I whispered your name
My first death
One of many
You only live once, you said
But I’ve seen too much already
You live what you learn, you said
I’ve learned heartbreak a plenty
The battlegrounds of life
My first loss
One of many
Seasoned vet in the art of love and war
You will always be here, you said
As you were walking away
You’ll never really be far, you said
In my heart you will stay
I’ll keep your memory
My first love
One of many
To love true, is to hold on forever
I feel like I’m running circles
Doing laps inside my head
Never imagined living this life
feeling like part of me was dead
I’ve lost so many battles
I don’t know where to begin
But I can drag myself through this
and I will walk upright again
I peer inside my inner self
so I can find my motivation
To move in any direction
to land where I fall
no pre determined destination
I’m in the middle of a confrontation,
between Me, Myself and I.
I can’t decide who or what I am,
at least not what I have become.
It’s a constant battle within me,
I want to feel again as one.
My thoughts pull me in one direction,
while my heart just drags me down.
I hate being caught in this confliction,
fighting what I feel, with what I know.
Until I have a lone winner,
as a person I cannot grow.
I need to know what is inside me,
whether it is fake or it is real.
Because my head tells me to think,
while my heart tells me to feel.
Which is wrong for me to trust,
more importantly, which is right?
I am desperate to survive this struggle,
for I can no longer fight.
Such an emotional wreck be I,
no subtle twinkling in my eye.
Hands so weakened as they shake,
everything I touch, I tend to break.
I’ll be lost for good before I am found,
screaming for help without a sound.
Battles fought yet rarely won,
two hearts once joined to beat as one.
A love so blurred, resembling hate,
your so called love was never fate.
All your words merely calming lies,
as a hope I had within me dies.
The day comes as swiftly, as it shall go,
true loves wish, I was never meant to know.
There is a truth within us all. But only after we peel away the lies can we see what’s hiding underneath. It may not be pretty, but it’s raw, and it is true. And we all seek the truth whether we know it or not.
We fool ourselves day after day into believing in the wool that’s been pulled over our eyes. Because we fear the unknown, and sometimes it takes more strength to keep searching, than we have left in us.
Simply going on with this meaningless life, just to see just how long we can last. Almost like a dare, a dare in which our faith in everything is called to the front lines to fight. But sometimes the war was lost long before we ever realize it.
But we fight anyways. Fight for something, we fight for some kind of truth. Fight for that which we all desire deep down. When all the lies have consumed our hopes and dreams, our heart continues to beat. And with that the layers begin to shed. They drop away until the only thing left is that in which we seek.
~heart & soul~